Chrono Crusade Vol. 8

There's really not much you can do to ruin gun-toting nuns in 1920s America; that is what is known in the industry as Pure Entertainment Gold. Okay, you could take all those possibilities and flush them down the toilet in favor of your standard emo apocalypse saga with predictable religious overtones, but - oh yes, the concluding volume of the Chrono Crusade manga.

First things first: Chrono Crusade Vol. 8 is as beautifully drawn as always. The characters don't break any new ground but Rosette, although a generic spunky heroine, is at least a generic spunky heroine who kicks people in the head and bought up her Both Guns Blazing schtick, and Father RemingtonAwesome is Father Awesome, so they're all perfectly pleasant to watch. Of course, this being the final volume, all there is to watch is expertly-rendered scenes of battle damage and heart-rending emotion you've seen a hundred times before.

The plot is entirely optional at this point: people cry and shout a lot about their issues before kicking each other in the head, there's the obligatory scene where the Main Character is KOed during a crucial battle and must mope through a metaphysical experience (on a train, no less) before returning to consciousness to whup villain ass, childhood promises are remembered and new promises made (and cried and shouted over), naked women of significance are awakened and then decapitated, disaster is threatened and averted, and climactic battle scenes suddenly cut to black. Can we get a spaceship that crashes onto a planet and causes wacky shit to be set in motion, too? Yes, we can. Cue epilogue!

The epilogue is standard sentimental fare, but it's a decent enough send-off for all the heroes you mostly tolerated or kinda liked for the past 7 volumes. And that's about it, really. Still, it's a really well-drawn series and Father Awesome has a big-ass cross sword, so the early volumes are at least worth a read. Meanwhile, Daisuke Moriyama's moved on to World Embryo.

On the technical side, ADV's translation is competent enough. But design-wise, there are just some situations in which a Helvetica-style font simply looks crappy on the page. Which is too bad, because people at ADV Manga apparently loves them some cheap-looking sans serif action.

Sparkles, people, sparkles

If the subject is cool girl-girl love, then why is your book design so purposely amateurish and unappealing?

Maybe yuri fans have a zest for shades of dull off-mauve. Is this something I should be aware of?

Taking the concept of fan wank to a new and disturbingly literal level

Pokemon fansite Serebii makes Something Awful's Weekend Web feature this week. Should we even be shocked that there's a Pokephilia Club thread out there? Because somehow it's hard to muster the surprise anymore.

Besides, it's not exactly hard to find Pokemon fans who are a step removed from reality. Something Awful could just have easily plumbed the depths of the Save Our Voice Actors club, headquartered on Bulbagarden and a one-time blip on last year's fandom wank radar. This kid's crew is still fixated on Pokemon characters and the voice actors from 4Kids, Pokemon's former dubbers; they're convinced they will get that semi-original cast back any day now despite everyone else having moved on with their lives - except 4Kids VA Maddie Blaustein, who apparently still hangs around to post about her hurt feelings.

Though I adored anime characters when I was a wee lass (having outgrown ponies, dragons, and death-dealing robots but not yet moved onto real human beings), I could never compare to typical SOVA specimen PokemonTrainerLisa, who thinks that fanmailing former Pokemon voice actor Veronica Taylor means they have a promising relationship:

Speaking of getting the VAs on SOVAcast, well, since Veronica and I are pretty close, I could send her an email, asking if she'd like to come on the SOVAcast. And she would most likely reply back to me as soon as she reads her email (she's replied to MANY of my messages before, and we seem to be good friends now).

However, I'm getting worried, because Veronica hasn't replied to any of my messages in a long while. It's odd because, usually, she would reply to every message I send her (it would normally take her anywhere from a few days, to 1 or 2 weeks to reply back, depending on how busy she is and everything).

But as for the reason why she hasn't replied to me lately, I'm not sure if it's because she's been very busy with all her VA work or if it's something else. But anyway, I haven't heard from her in a good while, and it's starting to worry me.

The SOVA mystery club is so out of touch with reality in general that they're phoning up Pokemon's latest hire, former 4Kids exec Caryl Liebmann, for help. See, if she used to work at 4Kids, then the only possible reason Pokemon hired her was to work on the TV show. Because that is so totally what Director of Retail Promotions means.

Shiny Happy People Holding Hands

In a completely, unmistakably neutral piece titled "Japan resorts to manga propaganda", the AP and CNN discover the Japanese penchant for putting cute mascots on everything. Including the Self Defense Force.

"Prince Pickles is our image character because he's very endearing, which is what Japan's military stands for," said Defense Agency official Shotaro Yanagi. "He's our mascot and appears in our pamphlets and stationery."



Yes, endearing he is, indeed! Which raises a good question: why didn't anyone think of this earlier? It's nothing short of pure brilliance. Any military force could potentially be a highly-trained, devasting force... for cute! To help you visualize, we quickly drew up the following examples:



Is there any limit to the power of cartoon mascots?

Public Relations: A Lost Art

Here's one by way of Gothamist: NYU Asian Heritage Club protests appearance by non-Asian Heritaged band Ching Chong Song, which then renames itself the Church of Lurch. As noted, a Ching Chong Song appearance was previously nixed at Bryn Mawr, prompting band member Julia LaMendola to (presumably) get Gibson drunk and write a poorly-thought out rant to the school paper which was promptly published, as the editor rightly smelled dynamite:

Growing up a child of a gay parent in a tiny town, a poor second-generation Italian girl, I also have experience with the nuances of language. And give me a break you stupid twats.
...
I am mad that I was asked to back out, just another way the small-scale mirrors the large-scale of “shut-your-mouth-you’re-scaring-me” tactics are infiltrating our f’d up sweet spunky youth. By the way, “ching chang chong” is what people in Germany call the game rock paper scissors, and stupid petty retards is what I’m calling you.

That'll totally get Bryn Mawr's sympathy. In any case, the notion that membership in Category X and/or experience of Y automatically immunizes anyone from the charge of offensive or insensitive behavior is not a recognized defense in this jurisdiction. Nor was the band named after any type of German Roshambo. We decline further review of the appellant's argument. Appellant continues:

Let our band be what it is: a gay and omni-sexual duo that writes song about life and it’s crusts and death, and most of all love and open-eyed Acceptance. You stupid petty retard girl school twats!

Ching Chong "commited to Bodhichitta by getting pissy and calling names" Song/Church of Lurch speaks for itself not only with keen tact and language-nuanced oratorical skills, but with the inevitable MySpace page. With songs! File under Instrument-Aided Hipster Masturbation, Self-Conscious Tunes for Coffeehouse Poetry Night Intermission, and Not Good Enough to Get a Free Pass on Willful Public Stupidity.

Rooty tooty fresh and fruity

For whatever reason, it's vaguely fashionable these days to name your yaoi/yuri imprint after a fruit. Witness Seven Seas' Strawberry line and the upcoming as-yet unofficially named but definitely ovarian yaoi imprint from Broccoli.

Can't wait to start my own yaoi/yuri imprint, which I intend to name Durian. Sure, some people will think it stinks and refuse to touch it. But that's before you force it open and take a taste of the total creaminess inside.

I hear Frylock is looking for someone to rent the spare room

Via Variety: after 13 years at the company, Cartoon Network executive Jim Samples resigns over Mooninite incident.

Coincidentally, or perhaps not, the front page of the Boston Globe's boston.com sent Samples gently into the good night like so:


Because they love, Samples. Because they... "love."

You like me! You really, really like me... in Akira

This via AnimeCons.com, since the American Anime Awards are averse to punctual site updates - the five finalists in each of the AAA's award categories have been announced. Sorry, Del Rey! Tsubasa and Negima didn't make the cut, no hard feelings about that whole leaving you off the ballot for a while thing.

And yes, Johnny Yong Bosch is still in the running for Best Actor in a Comedy. For Akira. Never was I prouder to know my vote was not in vain, although NA tragically failed to garner a top five finish in any of its two (in)eligible categories.

According to the release, the Babes of Anime presenters will be wearing fashion from ADV's fellow Texan, Chloe Dao, who'll present the award for Best Package Design. What other synergistic wonders hath appearance fees wrought? We can only wait and see.

Dao's Lot 8 boutique provided some of the clothes for last year's Babes of ADV photoshoot, which brings us to the question: what makes a Babe of ADV--er, Anime--a Babe, fit to join a group of "the most prominent voice actors in the business"? Does it take more than auditioning for the cover of a European gothic metal album?

Well, apparently it takes an anime dubbing resume you could tally on one hand - as long as two fingers are set aside for your roles as an extra and, uh, another extra. If you know any other anime voice-over credits to help the case of Most Prominent Fulks, let us know! Perhaps she's even the same Fulks who directed The Most Massive Woman Wins to encourage people "to examine themselves as a community and to raise questions about how body image shapes the way we view and value ourselves."

You're not supposed to take that "America's Finest News Source" thing seriously, you know

The Onion recently did a story called Area Man Needs Two More Trips To Best Buy To Beat Xbox 360 Game. Should I put "story" in quotes? Do I need to make it any more obvious?

Apparently yes.

Blogger Blake Snow (who wrote the Joystiq post) wants to make it clear that he knows The Onion is parody. Or does he? The "yes, the parody newswire" part feels rather tacked on. And who the hell calls the Onion a newswire? Newspaper, yes. Website, yes. But newswire? That's like, AP and Reuters, which are newswires that have their articles reposted verbatim on other news sites (which is what's supposed to happen, that's what a newswire does).

But wait, it all makes sense, because you see, Snow doesn't even bother writing an article for this one, he just paraphrases the article and puts in a large block quote in the middle. It wouldn't be so bad, except that well, the block quote is over half the article, and the paraphrasing is like a half-hearted re-write of the rest. You know, like those reports you had to write in third grade, and you would just pull the encyclopedia off the shelf and work from that. Or was that just me?

To top it all off, and boy, is it topped, is the comments, which are split between "you know the Onion is fake, right?" and "wow, this can't be real!" And then there are the "this can't be real, and here's why."

* How much as he spent on gas to go to Best Buy and back over the last 3 weeks? Probably enough to buy the game!!!

* 2 things that make this story fake...1) How many displays have you seen with access to the memory card slot?2) How many stores have you seen with a full version game on display that is M-Rated? It is against policy. Its like showing an R rated movie on the TVs in Blockbuster.

* Yeah, add me to the "fake" tally: M-rated game with disembowelments, decapitations, and the f-bomb on public display at Best Buy equals someone getting fired.

* this is by far the most pathetic attempt at saving money I have ever heard. If he is a situation where he has to reort to this he should not be into playing next gen games.

This proves... well, that these people don't bother actually reading the article, or the other comments, but most of all, I'm going to have to agree with baby sea tuna on this one:

* These comments prove that at least 70% of the people that read Joystiq should never, ever breed.

Say uncle. Say it. Say it!

So, as everyone now knows, Turner reluctantly took perfunctory responsibility for the Day of the Mooninite and agreed to cough up a smooth $2 million to make Menino and pals go away. Also, the Boston Globe still can't stand Berdovsky and Stevens and continues to valiantly pretend everyone shares their sentiment.

Today's news was that Berdovsky videotaped the police removing a Mooninite but didn't tell them it was harmless. Okay, whatever. But comes now before the court of public opinion the counsel-cum-art-curator for the defendant:

"That's what he does. He videotapes things. He's a videotape freelance artist."

Yeah? Then that makes him, the kid from American Beauty, and my uncle at Christmas. Me, I'm gonna be a videotape freelance artist right now; I think the neighbors across the street are making out.

Bring me back some of that freeze-dried ice cream I like

Cinderella III: A Twist in Time was just released. I know Disney loves those direct-to-video sequels, but I can't help but be a bit perturbed - for Cinderella's sake - that we're only on the second sequel and she's already fucking with the space-time continuum. Because once you've done that, there are really only two other places you can go next: space, or the hood.

Being righteous don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing

Boing Boing is one of those Internet car crashes: you shouldn't look, but yet you cannot look away. Sometimes you see something cool, sometimes you see something you shouldn't and end up sick to your stomach, where all the unicorn chasers in the world won't undo the damage.

The most egregious offender is Xeni Jardin, who has developed a cult of hate such that people are creating sites like XeniSucks. Which is a fun read, though not exactly a bastion of coherent writing.

Today's Xeni offense occurs in this post, on which you could say, "yeah, that Wal-Mart page is coded pretty badly," but then again, the page loads fine for me, and I'm using Opera, which is the gimpiest of the gimp browsers.

From the screenshot it appears that she's using Firefox on a Mac, and Macs can't access the movies anyway. But then again, even if Macs could watch the Wal-Mart downloads... she's a Mac user, a Firefox user, and as a BoingBoing contributor, probably a communist, so she wouldn't shop at Wal-Mart anyway.

And yes, I checked the Wal-Mart store in Firefox on a Windows machine, and it loads like crap, but hell, even I won't shop at Wal-Mart. So who really cares?

And how can the movie be anything but solid cinematic gold

The Dead or Alive franchise celebrated its 10th Anniversary last year. No problems there, though I've never imagined that a life of rigorous martial arts training uniformly results in a figure buxom enough that the passenger in front of you should please keep an upright seat back at all times. But I could be wrong.

Besides, they could be cunningly disguised armor implants. Silicone might have excellent impact-absorption properties. Jiggly Kevlar; it could happen.

Sadly, for all the 10th Anniversary pimpage, the girls don't actually look that appealing. It's like Lara Croft in early Tomb Raider; there'd clearly been effort spent on smoothing the taut stretch of fabric between Lefty and Righty, the pert gravity-defying curves... but if her face looked like a Cro-Magnon, then so be it. Even the new Lara Croft is rocking the one-plastic-surgery-too-many pornstar look.

Which brings us back to Tecmo and the Dead or Alive 10th (Credit) Card, featuring mildly cross-eyed versions of either Kasumi, Hitomi, or Ayame. The overall effect is less sexy fighter, more pneumatic lobotomy. And chicks with all the intelligent expression of a landed fish just aren't my thing. Oh, game developers. There's more to being attractive than a lovingly modeled chest. Millions would disagree, but hey.

Even though you still won't be convinced that Ayame could give you change for a dollar if she had four quarters, DOA 4's character designs are a slight improvement. Even if Bass is totally copping a feel on Tina on his way down.

Keeping that Internet alive!

Oh Wikipedia, please bestow upon me your sweet baby tears of knowledge about uh, visual novels:

A visual novel (ビジュアルノベル) is an interactive fiction game featuring mostly static graphics, usually with anime-style art. As the name might suggest, they resemble mixed-media novels or tableau vivant stage plays.

I'm all for the interactive, the fiction, the anime-style art even, but tableau vivant? I clicked on that link, and um, no. Just no.

But enough of the font of pointless knowledge. The seedy underbelly of Wikipedia that are talk pages are a much better read, sometimes, especially when they're longer than the actual article. Does the visual novel talk page follow this example? Oh hell yes!

While I recognise that free images are vastly preferable to copyrighted images, I don't think it's really reasonable to illustrate an article about a game genre with a fake "screenshot". Particularly not if the caption claims it's a real screenshot of a "typical" game, which the Wikipe-tan image definitely would not be.

You see, the image currently displayed on the page to illustrate what the hell they're talking about is this:



"Hey, look at me, I'm on Wikipedia! And I am Wikipedia! Wikipedia is awesome!"

So you could see why this user might have a problem. Seems perfectly reasonable. But it's Wikipedia! So instead of "sure, let's find a real image to illustrate the article" we get:

I'm not opposed to the use of fair use images, and I think they usually add great value to our articles. I'm usually on the side defending the use of a fair use image. However, in this article, this specific article, that kanon image does nothing more than the Wikipe image. If fails policy. This is not optional. Had that image actually added some value to this article that Wikipe-tan's could not (an image of a girl in front of a backdrop with a dialog box) then you might have a point, but that's all the image is. This is not the same as those other articles you listed.

Ah, policy. Because Wikipedia policy is the Constitution and you're Justice Scalia.

After that settles down, we get a discussion about what the "fake" image should look like. Everyone seems to hate it, but with the last comment made two months ago, the image still hasn't been changed.

Wikipedia: You always get what you want, if you have a longer attention span.

WTF = Why, Transformers?

Okay, so I'm far from being an expert on anime, manga, etc., but hey, that's why I merely contribute when I can, as opposed to running these blog-like thingies on the Intertron. I, do, however, have a passion for Transformers that exists somewhere deep in the realm of obsession.

So, for a brief rundown, America stopped giving a crap about TF in roughly 1987. The cartoon went away, toys kept on coming out, but for the most part, once the animated fix was gone, the property started to fizzle. Japan, on the other hand, ran with it, taking TF in a subtly different direction, through three TV shows (Headmasters, Masterforce, and Victory, for those playing the home game,) some TV Magazine comics, and an OAV. Toys kept on coming out, and as a whole, TF was a consistent, if ailing, property.

Of course, if there's one thing that Takara can't sell, it's sentient robots. We get Beast Wars, they get... well, I won't get into the Japanese version, which was pretty much One Piece in reverse, to put it politely. When adapting the show to "better fit" Japanese culture, they turned it into the most childish crap imaginable, and this is coming from someone who plays with toy robots.

So, as many people who keep up on these sorts of things might know, Takara began to have money problems. See, they weren't making any. Tomy has since bought them out, but they've got to deal with Takara's remnants of their tail-end of TF product. Since they couldn't sell children's toys, they figured that it was time to move back to milking the adult collectors. Using existing molds from the TF: Alternators line (Binaltech in Japan,) an already tween-to-adult aimed line of 1:24 scale cars that turned into beloved characters, they came up with Binaltech Asterisk. Take a $40-$50 toy, and include a figurine of some obscure female character, possibly dressed for the part, possibly not. We're not picky, since collectors will buy any plastic girl, right?

Well, no. Sales weren't stellar, but again, it's a $50 toy. This stuff doesn't come cheap, kids. I could start snorting lines of coke off of a golden hooker's ass while smoking Cuban cigars lit with $100 bills, and I'd wager that it would cost less than keeping up on all of this goddamned merchandise. Bring out 3 of these guys, and I'm pretty deep in the hole just over nostalgia. (Counting the pre-Asterisk releases, there's 31 of these freaking toys. And people wonder why I went with the much-cheaper US versions.) Of course, Takara doesn't figure that it's a question of pricing. It's clearly that they haven't gone far enough!

I give you... Kiss Players.

There's a story behind it, a radio play, etc., and I'm sure that someone in Japan finds it not creepy at all. That is, after all, the defense used by any of its American fans. We're just too puritanical to get it! What do you mean, loli? They're all of legal age, they just LOOK twelve!

It does not end there, folks. See, there's a manga. It makes the whole thing limited to ages 15 and up, and this is the NSFW reason why.

I don't know about you people, but I sure as hell didn't order any hentacle with my TFs. Thank God that this one's over.

Secret and Not So Secret Files of Foreigner's Crimes

Via Gawker comes a Guardian article: A magazine plays to Japanese xenophobia.

Interestingly, the article gives some line time to Debito Arudou (nee David Aldwinckle), mildly controversial naturalized Japanese citizen and civil rights gadfly.

But is it really xenophobia at work here? Secret Files of Foreigner's Crimes is the name (in translation) and from the description given, the point of the mag seems pretty much what the title implies: foreigners are dangerous, and also, they will totally bogart Japanese chicks. At a glance, the cropped cover shot does say things like "protect yourself from foreign crimes", but it also depicts in no uncertain terms the true danger to Japan: zombies.

"Gaijin" is used here as a code name for zombies. Secret Files of Foreigner's Crimes is an encrypted publication used to disseminate vital information throughout Japan without alerting Umbrella Corporation's Tokyo office that confidential info on the true extent of the T-Virus menace has now fallen into resistance hands. Citizens of Japan, be alert, be informed!

And invest in a 2x4 with a nails in the end. Just in case.

As for what coded meaning the word "Borat" holds for UN High Commissioner Howie Carr, though, I think it just stands for "man or fabricated media persona originating from interchangeable Third World hellhole located somewhere vaguely east of Europe."

Wow, it's dirty in here. Bring soap!

Courtesy of Lampbane, a little shot of ipecac for your soul.

The game in question is 陽射しの中のリアル (Hizashi no Naka no Real) [not safe for work; probably not safe for life], a Flash-based game where you get your creepy sex groove on with suspiciously young-looking (not-real) girls. So basically, there really is no way in the world to defend yourself if you're ever caught playing this game in earnest; that spreading warmth - no, the other one, even lower than that - is the sulfurous fires of hell rising up to engulf you right in front of your astonished parents (or whoever's turn it is to leave the meals outside your bedroom door today).

The game's developer, mu-soft (previously BitMap Works), has some staff profiles on their website, which are pretty much exactly what you'd expect. Wow! They're all otaku! No shit.

I'll be back later to answer your questions, but first--

Not a lot of local media love for cartoon morons Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens, with their buffoon-like comments and their "starving artists" schtick. Also, the Globe et al are now more-than-implying that Interference, the guerrilla marketing firm behind it all, purposely didn't defuse the ruckus until later in the day.

Unsurprisingly, Interference blanked out their website yesterday - it now has a generic non-apology and some sloppy HTML up top - and declined to answer questions. Their head honcho is, um, out of town. Yeah. That's it. Out of town.

(It's never a good sign when the boss also answers to "Sanjay" and has Froghammer on his resume.)

Anyway, hopefully they'll wrap up the media trial phase soon and clear these folks off the radar, 'cause Berdovsky has this Zach de la Rocha / "I played in Korn" vibe that makes it hard for me to care. So hard. Not that he needs my concern now that he has 15 minutes of fame!

Even more troubling, any combination of artists and endeavors that include the word "guerilla" reminds me of that one time I ran into this hipster guy who thought he was, like, an artist 'cause he got a New York Magazine profile for jizzing on stuff a lot and, y'know, the next thing I remember, I'm standing next to this dumpster with blood all over my hands, and I'm just screaming "the Dutch Masters will eat you" over and over? And the blood wasn't even mine? Yeah, that was a little weird.

Coakley is gonna get you... tonight

Sayeth the Annotated Laws of Massachusetts, Part IV, Title 1, Ch. 266, §102A1/2:

§ 102A1/2. Possession of Hoax Device.

(a) Whoever possesses, transports, uses or places or causes another to knowingly or unknowingly possess, transport, use or place any hoax device or hoax substance with the intent to cause anxiety, unrest, fear or personal discomfort to any person or group of persons shall be punished by imprisonment in a house of correction for not more than two and one-half years or by imprisonment in the state prison for not more than five years or by a fine of not more than $5,000, or by both such fine and imprisonment.

(b) For the purposes of this section, the term "hoax device" shall mean any device that would cause a person reasonably to believe that such device is an infernal machine. For the purposes of this section, the term "infernal machine" shall mean any device for endangering life or doing unusual damage to property, or both, by fire or explosion, whether or not contrived to ignite or explode automatically. For the purposes of this section, the words "hoax substance" shall mean any substance that would cause a person reasonably to believe that such substance is a harmful chemical or biological agent, a poison, a harmful radioactive substance or any other substance for causing serious bodily injury, endangering life or doing unusual damage to property, or both.

Somehow, I don't think they're impressed. ("Dude, you know what would make this even funnier? If we were totally baked right now." "Yeah, motherfuckin' word to that.")

Addendum:
Oops, the Globe has decided they were actually vaguely contrite after all. ("Shit, they're looking at us. Do the camera face!")

Dear Boston: ha ha, you be stupid. Now come see our movie. [Adult Swim]

Friends describe Berdovsky as talented, 'great kid'

That's right. The Boston Herald is already giving Peter Berdovsky, arrested artiste-cum-guerilla marketing deployer for hire, the perp treatment. Unfortunately his mother is still in Belarus, so there will be no press conferences in which she sobs hysterically and says she doesn't believe her son did it, he never meant to hurt anyone, he was always very quiet, such a good boy.

Well, maybe someone will pony up a swank defense lawyer for the kid. Can they get him Richard Gere? The kid already kinda has that Edward-Norton-living-under-a-bridge look. I think it just might work.

Meanwhile, Turner's Phil Kent offered up another, wordier non-apology:

"We really deeply regret that it was horribly misinterpreted to be a public danger, when all it was intended to do was to draw attention to a late-night television show," said Phil Kent, chairman and chief executive of the network, based in Atlanta. "This is not the kind of publicity we would ever seek."

In other words: We're sorry you're stupid. It's not our fault that you're stupid. Good luck with being stupid and all the best, Phil K.

But don't front, Phil; five bucks says the guys at AS are totally high-fiving. (We hold in our grasp the power to bring cities to their knees!) Plus, now even New York Times readers know that Err "seems angry, with slanted eyebrows and what appear to be raised middle fingers." You can't buy this kind of publicity! Except with a team of lawyers to fend off apoplectic politicians waving bills for the BPD, but you know. Close enough.

You guys should totally talk to Eric Schaeffer

Mainichi Daily New's Wai Wai features Shukan Josei on Japan Cherry Boys Club vows to end innocence by drawing lines, practicing judo:

Japan's male virgins have given up on the idea of being unwillingly celibate for life and will do their bit to curb the dramatically declining national birthrate, the head of the Japan Cherry Boys Association tells Shukan Josei (2/13).

That's not even the best part, not even close. The honor goes to:

"First and foremost, we study. To make sure we have an anatomical background of women, we all draw pictures of female genitalia and critique them," Watanabe tells the women's weekly. "We had one guy who just drew a straight line and said, 'I'm finished.' That's how little we all know. It's really pathetic."