Don't ask, don't tell

INSTRUCTIONS: Select two out of the following three questions, or invent your own. (90 minutes, 50%)

Question 1. I chair an anime convention whose mission statement, like many other conventions, includes the promotion of Japanese culture. This is accomplished both by the convention and volunteer panelists through events such as matsuri themes, tea ceremonies, and the Let's Talk Shinsengumi Hour. Please explain in 500 words or less whether this may risk reinforcing a fetishistic approach towards "understanding" the culture of Japan, and whether this is in fact inferior to any other approach that could be undertaken in this format.

Question 2: Anime is cool. Manga is cool. Japan is cool. Japanese characters are cool. Especially if they are babes. I am a white college student in New Hampshire who has created a webcomic based on precisely this philosophy, and I am not alone. Please explain in 500 words or less what this could or should mean, if anything, for Japanese Asian-Americans; for non-Japanese Asian-Americans; and whether Asian-Americans in general should consider the fad for things Japanese to be a positive sign, another wave of Oriental exoticism, a combination of the above, or none of the above.

Question 3: I am a teenager in Kenya who does not speak fluent English, but I am obsessed with American network TV. It is far superior to anything on Kenyan TV. Please explain in 500 words or less how my love of American network TV will grant me a deeper understanding of what it means to be American, thus fostering my cross-cultural competence, and how American network TV carries a unique message of female empowerment that I find refreshing.

Extra Credit, Option A: If you selected Question 1, please explain in 250 words or less why I, as convention chairman, should be free to exclude the consideration of any or all Asian/Asian-American issues and concerns from the planning, staffing, content, and execution of my Japanese culture event.

Japanese for everyone

The absolute best example ever of how to use the phrase 汝の敵を愛せよ ("Love thine enemy") in context, from Love, Hate, and Everything in Between: Expressing Emotions in Japanese (Mamiko Murakami, Kodansha 1997):

A: 「もういいかげんに許してやれよ、聖書にも 『汝の敵を愛せよ』ってあるじゃないか」
B: 「冗談じゃないよ、敵は憎らしいもんよ」

A: You've been holding this grudge long enough. Why don't you forgive the guy? You know, like it says in the Bible and all, "Love thine enemy."
B: Don't be ridiculous. I hate my enemies.

Better yet, you can turn to page 154 for the following chapter: "We've been through a lot together! Now let's break up!"

Boy, 11, kills traumatized forest god

Inoshishi-gama, no-o-o!

This shit is bananas ($2.50 / lb, UPS Ground and sales tax extra)

By way of Defamer comes word that fans are sending CBS boxes upon boxes of delicious, delicious roasted peanuts to protest the cancellation of Jericho.

No idea what that show is? You're not alone. Still, according for the NUTS for Jericho page at NutsOnline.com, thousands of pounds of delicious, delicious peanuts have already been shipped to CBS. Technically the nuts will be sent on to City Harvest (in America, feeding the underprivileged is a task left to upfronts and inmate executions) but nobody will notice a missing pound, or fifty, stashed in the employee break room, perhaps the trunk of a intern's car.

Obviously, this "Pay Company A to send Company B a Shitload of Tasty Treats" strategy is a superlative one that anime fans should immediately adopt as well. Sure, you probably still won't get your show or your Sonic the Hedgehog voice actor or whatever, but Company A gets money and Company B gets Omaha Steaks for everyone, even Carol in reception. Did you know that licensing companies respond very favorably to Omaha Steaks? Because they do. (Better than they do to the fifty identical voice messages you left on the feedback line, anyway.) Also, Harry & David gift towers go over particularly well. Or so I'm told.

For more information or to better coordinate your protest needs, please visit our newly established sister site, PowerLevelOneMillionGiftBoxesOnline.com!

Some men are simply born to greatness

A: I appreciate a hemorrhoids-based webcomic that never updated as much as the next person, but--who's this Robert DeJesus guy who's always invited to conventions? I tried his website but it's not that helpful.

B: Look, you can't expect him to update his website. Just because his Studio Capsule website link is printed in a convention program guide doesn't mean there needs to be anything recent there for people to look at. Besides, the sage himself has an explanation:

This may come as a surprise to some, artists do have bills and need to eat too. Since I don't make a single dime off of this website there's no fiery desire to crank out work for this site.

"Well, why can other artists get a lot of work up on their site?"

Maybe their art is not in huge demand and they have more time to update, and/or they refuse to work for 'the man'. That's all fine and dandy but in the real world, once you stop living with your parents, one needs currency to keep themselves from living out of a cardboard box.

B: See? He doesn't have to care about presentation because he is a real, working artist. As opposed to artists who regularly update their sites, because those people are probably unpopular and/or deluded.

A: Wow! That makes perfect sense! Thanks for clearing that up. He must really be amazing--I wish I could advertise on his site.

B: Can't. The link to do that is there, but it's broken.

A: He's so good he doesn't care about bennies from web advertising banners either?

B: Even to this day, there are tribes in the Polynesias that still worship him as a god.

A: Wow. That is good!

It's no excitement

Dear Broccoli and Gainax:



You were right! Nothing says must-have mecha v. Angel fighting video game like Monotype Corsiva! It's the most powerful font ever.

For a wedding invitation.

Yes, due out in June and approximately 10 years too late to be cool, Neon Genesis Evangelion Battle Orchestra looks every bit the half-assed cash-in attempt.


We know how to keep objects from overlapping! Oh wait, we don't. That's Unit 00's arm sticking out the middle of Ramiel. Crap.

Still, it's probably worth a try for two reasons. One, a plugsuited Kensuke appears in the intro, so if he is a playable pilot, this is probably the only chance anyone will ever have to make Kensuke Aida do something of interest. Then again, this is a game where the black EVA unit is armed with the pinnacle of NERV Angel-fighting technology: nightsticks. So scratch that, Kensuke's toast. Two:



Ramiel and Leliel better be playable characters, that's all I'm saying. Nothing could sum up the undying Evangelion enterprise better than paying 7000 yen to smack a cube and a sphere into each other... to the death.

Otakudom is not dead

From the pages of the local discount pharmacy circular:

Everyone has a story to tell...

Don't like mauve book covers? Then turns out you don't actually have to bother with purchasing 2004's Shoujoai Ni Bouken: The Adventures of Yuriko, the visibly homebrew novel by Erica Friedman with Kelli Nicely on illustrations. But does the carpet match the drapes? Well, the text is available online and it is fan-tastic. Generic fanfic, that is. It's more or less grammatically decent, though, if that moves you. Also moving: the dramatic opening scene in which our heroine goes! To! Makeup! In adjective-pulsing detail:

"Just once more and we’re done.” Yuriko could feel the cool slime of cold cream pass across her cheek, followed by a vigorous circular rubbing motion. Her skin became warm, and the slimy feeling changed to a slightly tacky sensation. She sighed impatiently and crossed her arms. The sensation ceased.

“You’re done.” The hairdresser was tall, scandalously thin and exceptionally effeminate. He put his hands on his hips and looked at Yuriko condescendingly. “That wasn’t *that* bad, was it?” He leaned forward, peering at her closely. “Oh wait, I missed…” She slapped his hand away and stood abruptly.

No, what would be bad would if the publishing arm of your organization thinks *asterisks are a professional-looking substitute for boldface*. Yeah, I know just about anyone can self-publish nowadays. But presentation still counts, people! That's all I'm saying.