Every time you pirate an Avril MP3, a kitten dies... oh yeah, and then this happens

A scene from Episode 8 of Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes, which is now officially The Funniest Free Podcast Ever (in the Last Two Months):


Avril Lavigne gets chomped by a giant sea monster.

If otaku ruled the world, there would be no war, and also no labor movement

Anime Boston 2007: complete. There were a few complaints about the convention hotel, which is currently on the rocks with hotel employee union Local 26. Says one Anime Boston staffer:

I was running the Tetris DS tournament out on the balcony of the game room, and right before the 1st round began the strikers started making loud noise and their union party van started playing lame 90s "techno", and we kept screaming at the to STFU. And then Sheraton people came and kicked us off the balcony cause we were interrupting their strike >.>

"Jeezus fuck, what is wrong with you people? 'Working without contract for the past six months' blah blah blah. We are trying to play video games over here! And play some goddamn decent protest music while you're at it! It's like you assholes don't even have any 'Real Emotion' remixes in there."

Words there are none

From Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes, Episode 7, in which our protagonist Hana acts out her secret wishes:

Public Service Message

Get the Anime Industry to Take You Seriously: A Fan's Guide to Contacting Companies via Email

1. Spam, spam, spam, glorious spam. Sending twenty identical emails titled "Read Me", "Please Read Me", and "Important - Must Read" is a great way to get people's attention. Once their junk mail filter is full, they'll have no choice but to listen to you. (Junk mail filters do get full, right?)

2. Personal insults get results. The result is that your illiterate, obscenity-strewn message will either be tossed on sight or tacked on the wall for employees to mock. Clearly, it's only a matter of time before the company, weeping with collective guilt, accedes to your demands.

3. You don't need knowledge to know what you're talking about. You've never had a real job, much less one in the anime industry. But you read ANN, for God's sake, obviously you know as much (if not more) about running a company as any of its employees. So tell companies what to do, and be prepared to quote Wikipedia if necessary; execs will bow to your superior business acumen.

4. Anime skillz are more important than work skills. Companies don't hire based on experience, education, or skill. In fact, HR always keeps a few choice game design, character design, and scriptwriter positions open because they're just waiting for you to email and say "I'm a huge fan, will you hire me? And produce a movie based on my fanfic (sample attached)?"

5. Santa Claus has branch offices in California, New York, and Texas. Maybe your parents won't buy you the company's product, but the company definitely will. Just email your address and the list of items you want for free, then wait for your package to arrive via FedEx Overnight.

If these tactics fail to achieve the desired result, it may be that the company just doesn't care about you as a fan. Because if the company really loved you, it would do whatever it took to make you happy. And like the ex-boyfriend who only dated you because he was on the rebound, the company must be forced to realize that spurning your affections was a fatal error.

The next guide will include everything you need to accomplish this and more! Here's a preview:

1. Trash your ex on the internet. Whether it's your old boyfriend's secret herpes infection or the character names and dialogue lines that the company "translated" with total disregard for the BitTorrent subtitles, let it all out so the world will know how badly you've been hurt. The more you complain, the more reasonable you will sound.

Rain obscures without lying, and also makes things soppy wet

You can now subscribe to Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes (A Tribe Called Quest) on iTunes as a free download. Or hop over to make5wishes.com, an official site that resembles the free-hosted fan website of a clueless teenage girl. Right down to the Google ads and disregard for attractive web design!

You can even "Sign Up" there. For what, it doesn't say. Perhaps a demon-ridden box that can only be dispelled by the imaginary musician friend of your choice. Perhaps junk email from Nettwerk.com.


Sorry for the forthcoming spam, flintstone@yabbadabba.com. But it was in the name of research.

Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes (A Pimp Named Slickback) episodes aren't a terrible concept when viewed in something akin to the intended format. Print can be unkind to Camilla D'Errico's art, here verging on the amateur webcomic level--rubbery bodies, faces that don't look their age, generic backgrounds--but seen one panel at a time, it's oddly appropriate.

Likewise, it's not Joshua Dysart's best and his rain-based metaphors need work (okay, a lot of his metaphors probably need work), but it's an emo parade for an emo age group. And the story, such as it is, does pick up once the happy wish-granting demon appears and the reader is no longer trapped alone with protagonist Hana's endless angst. Hey, Hana! Maybe the futility of life isn't the reason you don't have real friends. Maybe you don't have real friends because you suck.

Until Hana learns a Valuable Life Lesson, tune in to Episode 4 for the unintentionally amusing bit where Hana rags on an old jazz guitarist because jazz music is dumb and slow. Old music suxxorz compared to Avril Lavigne! Yes, a scene so pathetic that even Imaginary Avril Lavigne is embarassed to be part of it. And Imaginary Avril's embarassment is understandable; a manga where her biggest fan is a delusional, mopey little muffin who doesn't know shit about music... just doesn't seem like a particularly effective sell for the brand, no?

Rumble in the Barracks

Avengers: The Initiative.

Set in Stamford, Connecticut...


...but filmed on location in Vancouver.


(Avengers: The Initiative #1 scans from IGN and scans_daily user Flidgetjerome.)

Now where's my manga Book of Mormon?

Siku's The Manga Bible is not the only manga Bible around, but to our knowledge there is no illustrated testament that kicks more graphic ass. (At least until until Rob Liefeld gets around to The Bible Reborn guest-starring Youngblood and Avengelyne; maybe Jesus can start by healing anorexic steroid freaks.)

Siku certainly has a dynamic style (like Exalted meets, well, the Exalted), but that's not even what makes The Manga Bible truly hardcore. Because there are two versions currently available: the NT Raw or the NT Extreme.


Now that's extreme!

New York is totally different from the Big Apple

Anime Expo is sometimes derided as having become an industry event, but here comes Reed Exhibitions to show fans what "industry" really means: enter the New York Anime Festival at the Jacob Javits Center this December. Says breathless show manager John McGeary in the press release: "New York finally has an anime event of its own!"

Yes. Because there's never been a recurring anime event, much less one organized by industry, in New York City, with "Anime" and "Fest" in its name. Ever.

Given the NYAF's organization and backing, it seems unlikely that it'll meet the same swift fate as its predecessors (if it had any, which it totally doesn't). The sponsor list should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with New York Comic Con and the American Anime Awards, either--hello, ADV!

With a day dedicated to the trade and Artist Alley prices of $350 a table, it's a far cry from anime conventions as "FANS/Consumers" know them. It's not exactly the death knell of said conventions, which offer some experiences that consumer/trade shows can't and vice versa, but it'll be interesting indeed to see if this signals the start of any larger changes on the anime event scene...