Friday, July 6, 2007

This got four stars on Amazon. Four. Stars.

Orchiee Fairchild the third is an exorcist who hops through the land on his pogo stick purging demonic powers with his living marionette companion, Doodoo. Orchiee's travels brings him to Kingsgoie Lanzbarg University where he meets the beautiful student Philip Gillson, who employs him for a spiritual cleansing. A love affair brews between the two right as strange events start happening at the University. A dark force is raping and brainwashing the male students. It's up to Orchiee and Doodoo to put a stop to it.

I'm not sure, but I think this is supposed to come off as wacky and zany instead of half-assed and sorely needing a functioning proofreader. Who wrote this crappy copy? Why did they feel the need to waste space on irrelevant details like "Kingsgoie Lanzbarg"? Who thought this cluttered mess of a title logo in any way resembles a professional product worth your hard-earned cash?

Anyway, such is the wonderously amateurish pitch for OEL yaoi as brought to you by the febrile mind of Stephen Doerr, self-styled illustrator/sculptor/martial artist/janitor and author of Exorcisms and Pogo Sticks. Personal motto: In Doerr We Fart. Oh, the sparkling wit! Don't take my word for it--Sequential Tart's Kat "Lowering the Bar" Avila claims that "Doerr's fanciful character designs and humor-filled dialogue can put a silver lining in any cloudy day." Personally, I would prefer that Doerr's fanciful character designs not put the thought of Adam Warren: The Early Middle School Years in my mind, but what the hell do I know.

However, the best part, and by "best" I mean "most likely to make me question the existence of God", is that there is in fact a second volume of Exorcisms and Pogo Sticks: The man-slut Orchiee and his marionette side-kick Doodoo are back for another arcane adventure blah blah blah. As terrible as the pitch is, you can amuse yourself for at least five minutes by coming up with your own names of Doerr-esque absurdity and inserting them where appropriate:

The man-slut Glamour McDanger, Esq. and his marionette side-kick Buttpunch...
The man-slut Fheevee J. Johnson Jr...
The man-slut Wackums von Tittles-Guffaw...


Try it yourself, it's fun! Or at least, something to do while waiting for the bus.