Because it's not Scottish

Not sure if you're going to attend the New York Anime Festival? Then sister (or brother), let us tempt you with their dazzling guest list to date, including "prominent online artists" such as:

Juno Blair B, writer and illustrator of Star Cross'd Destiny! Star Cross'd Destiny is a webcomic--sorry, serialized graphic novel--about a teenager called, um, Juno. A "sad, traumatic" teenager, mind you. With powers over "weather and metaphysical darkness." (Can't you do something about your own emo then, lass?) And an '87 Shelby Daytona Pacifica which, I'm guessing, is not at all reminiscent of the author's own '89 Shelby Dodge Daytona.

Actually, there are a lot of teenagers in this; there's an embargo on main characters above the age of 20. Yes, the author is that type of borderline anime Sue. Logan's Run is all you can look forward to if anime fans rule the earth, I tell you. Still, keeping everyone in the same age bracket is a handy excuse to draw everyone the same; props to you if you can distinguish any of them from the thumbnails.

Supposedly this won an award. Supposedly.

Lindsey Henninger, "the most popular artist on anime art portal theOtaku.com". And you can clearly see why! Breast cancer: what anime girls have in common. Actually, they don't, because the teen demographic is not big on mastectomy storylines in their sexy robot catperson boylove power fantasies, but whatever. You get the idea. I mean, she meant well. The point is, she has what it takes to be a prominent online artist at a Reed Exhibitions event. Reed Exhibitions: "generating billions of dollars in business" in 34 countries worldwide, to bring you this. So please, take in what NYAF calls "her unique art and coloring style". Take it in and suck on it. Mmm, delicious.

Chris Hazelton, and I didn't get much farther than the front page for his webcomic Building 12 before I realized life was too short for such pain. My life, anyway, but not yours. As a fun aside, there are probably more aliens (2) than people of apparent African descent in it (0), because that's just the way shit goes down in this fandom. Be sure to check out his mad lettering skillz and a page from his apparently published work, A Steel Wing Shattered. The work is rated 16+ but it already evinces all the comic design sensibility of someone who's 11. Okay, maybe 12.

And that's rated 16+ as according to Chris's "publisher", Demented "We Can't Distinguish Between 'Its' and 'It's'" Dragon. Pay for a fucking editor, people. Just goddamn do it already. Also, it took me all of two seconds to pull this map up on Google--you see how there's that bit to the west that isn't New York City, much less a poorly filtered image of downtown (southern) Manhattan labeled "Western New York"? Ah, but my ire at self-styled publishers who have no interest in learning or applying the basics of editing and presentation--comics don't need asterisks to denote sound effects, by the way--it runs away with me. ("Rift the heaviest graveyard stone" indeed, what did Lafcadio Hearn ever do to deserve this?) I digress. (I bet I could put manga-style pictures to Atlanta Nights and they'd still publish it... yeses.) My favorite line from their website: "Originality in both story and art are always a plus!" And they have neither, so there you go. Dare you not to check out Yoko Molotov's Stray Crayons, which is "based in Yoko Molotov's hometown of Louisville KY, a beautiful, haunting city." Louisville: the Paris of the South. Or, knowing Demented Dragon, West.

Now, not to begrudge people the creative urge, and no doubt these artists will improve over time somehow, but the anime convention circuit sure does love to celebrate itself some low-level-mediocrity-verging-on-outright-crap. Certainly there are times when it's hard to get a person of the caliber you want, or even one who could pass as a journeyman professional. But is that really a reason to give feature status to any warm body with a Wacom tablet who presents at the door? Does that do the artist, the fan community, or the industry--or even an event's reputation--any favors?

I ain't sayin', I'm just sayin'.

When content writes itself

The 1st Annual Naruto Star Trek Convention. There, my job is done.

But your job has just begun! The Convention is looking for panelists to come up with 2 panel topics that, God is my witness, combine both Naruto and Star Trek for discussion. So come to the convention and, as the organizers say, "[f]ind out why Naruto and Star Trek are more alike than you think." Because they're not going to tell you on their website. And frankly, they probably won't even tell you when you attend the convention.

A hint or two would be much appreciated because all I can picture is Picard squealing "I'm gonna be Admiral! Make it so!" while Beverly Crusher cries a lot because she's a sissy-pants medical officer and no use to anyone on the Away Team and then I want to cry too, quietly and alone in a corner.