Saturday, July 28, 2007

Anime Punch, Bomb, Stab, Shoot

So maybe there aren't many anime convention mascots of color in America. But what does a convention mascot stand for, anyway? Anime Punch, the convention that proudly posits otaku as the self-important roaches in humanity's bleak future, has given mascots Ann (19) and Penny (11) a backstory:

Choosing the difficult path of dedicated martial artists they live outside the bounds of civilization, rejecting any comforts, and never backing down from a fight. They are forever white-belts; unable to advance in rank because they killed their master. On top of that, they must face the shame and indignity of not being able to avenge his death because they were the ones who defeated him.

The difficulty of the dedicated martial artists' path is clear; while both girls are "karate white-belts with a traditional karate uniform", Ann uses "a long Japanese sword, or dual pistols" while Penny's "weapons of choice are handfuls of knives or bombs". At first I thought their contradictory backstory was toked up after a few bouts of Street Fighter Turbo, but I can see it all now:

ANN: Tell me, master. Why are we still unable to progress beyond the beginner's white belt?
TIGER SCHULMANN: My young students, karate is more than a martial art. Thus, you will never advance in karate until you understand what karate is, and what it is not.
ANN: Like?
TIGER SCHULMANN: Like that time you unloaded two Glock 9mms full of Black Talons into your sparring opponent on Family Demonstration Day. The point of unarmed self-defense is not to wallow in deadly incendiaries and firearms--a simple point, perhaps too subtle, that seems to have escaped you. Didn't you ever watch The Karate Kid? And you, bomb freak--you're 11. What the hell is wrong with you? You're outside the bounds of civilization!
ANN: The Karate Kid isn't cool. I wanna be like The Matrix. Now that was cool. I watch it a lot. 'Cause it's cool. Yeah... I like The Matrix.
PENNY: Now, master, your fate is sealed, just as you have so cruelly and unjustly sealed ours. [throws bombs and knives] Ahahaha! Ahahaha!
TIGER SCHULMANN: [dead]
ANN: Still, Penny--I think we will keep these karate uniforms, to remind us of what has transpired this dark day.
PENNY: Yes. Also, because they were free with our introductory month of classes.