Breaking new ground since... never

Another delightful female character description, courtesy of PvP:

Jade Fontaine
Certainly there is more to Jade than just a chick who’s into games, comics and the Lord of the Rings movies. But, hey… who cares really? She’s a hot chick who’s into geek culture. That’s all we, as men, really need to know. Right?

Well, that's pretty much all you really need to know about the mindset of the author, in any case. ("But wait! I was being ironic! Yeah, ironic...")

Anyway. Fellas, if you think the world really needs one more comic about the hee-lar-ious adventures of yet another slacker gamer fanboy who may or may not bear a surprising resemblance to you (in your mind), or you already have a comic about the amazing exploits of said generic white dude and the people who inexplicably put up with his wastage, I strongly suggest that you not embrace the mindset of the Parents' Basement. You have every right to give every impression that you and your kind are socially retarded man-children--adverse to ambition, exercise, and fresh salads, content to see women as breasticular fantasies instead of actual people--but I wouldn't really advise you do so. (If nothing else, it doesn't hurt to differentiate your work from the horde of guys out there peddling the exact same tired wares.) It may take effort and/or talent to rise above its mephitic depths, but the Basement is not your friend.

Also, it floods whenever it rains. So, there's that.

Guys! Don't know how to be funny? Go for the tit punch every time!

Hey hey, kids! Did you want to know more about Otakon's mascots? No? Tough. There's a spec sheet out on the Otakon website with all the vital information you didn't give a damn about, such as:


Hiroko-chan
Age: 22
Height: 5'9" (175 cm)
Weight: 145 lbs (66 kg)
Build: Busty (C Cup)

There. Aren't you glad they took the time to give her a bra size? After all, women are their breasts. (For the record, her "brother" Hiroshi-kun has a build that's "Skinny/Wiry Muscle.")

For another example of the principle in action, let's take a trip through otakudom via the Sketched Out Life webcomic, where when it comes to humor, women are
Nothing...
But...
Their...
Breasts.

Breasts... that are crazy! Like the nameless main female character!

(Soon to be named main female character) She's all that geeks want in a woman. Yes all other comics have this type of girl, but this one is special. She's the embodiment of all Sketch's experiences with girls... so basically she's nuts!

Woh-ho! Females have boobs and they're wacko? What a way to really distinguish this faceless fantasy object from, y'know, every other stereotype of the female gender. Then again, she is allegedly based on real girls the author has met, all of whom apparently possessed no notable personality traits aside from mammaries and insanity.

To be fair, some people are perfectly happy to just play titties or bust for the rest of their natural, and if that's all someone is aiming for, they have every right to do so. (And let's face it, there will always be people happily ensuring that the stench of the proverbial parents' basement clings to fandom until sometime shortly after the sun goes supernova.) Doesn't mean they still shouldn't get called out for it, though.

What to Expect When You're Expecting... to Be Shot At

So issue #5 of Cable came out last week, in which Cable continues his adventures with the baby-who-I-thought-was-Rachel-Summers-for-a-second-and-then-I-remembered-that-Rachel-is-flying-off-in-space-with-Shi'ar-Cloud-so-I-guess-it's-supposed-to-be-baby-Jean-Grey. Le sigh. I liked Cable/Deadpool.

So, whatever, right? Except I saw the cover on the shelf, and my god, is that what I think it is?



After running all around during Messiah Complex dodging the Marauders (and Bishop) with this fragile, newborn infant strapped to his chest... right over his center of mass... with no head support (I'm sure the world's most powerful telepath/telekinetic can withstand a little Shaken Baby Syndrome)... he finally buys the world's most bad-ass Baby Björn. Or cobbles one together in some warehouse somewhere. Look at those sturdy pipes! Air tubes? Poop tubes in case she needs a change in the middle of a firefight?

I guess it's something, though I fully expect that hole in the middle to fire psionic beams at some point.

"You got reality in my fantasy!"

So here we are at Anime Expo's new venue, the Los Angeles Convention Center. When the move to the LACC was first announced, there was trepidation from certain quarters about the local neighborhood. In practice, the local area is largely devoid of life but otherwise quite tame, with several pricey buildings either leasing units or under construction. And here's a hint: if there's a California Pizza Kitchen around? You're not exactly in peril.

Sure, there are a few homeless people in the area, as generally happens in, oh, what d'you call those places again... cities. In fact, one recurring homeless fellow was quite happily licking the underthighs of his jeans clean in the middle of the plaza outside West Hall, surrounded by tons of cosplayers and looking fairly pleased to have the company. It was almost touching, in its way, and he would've fit right in except that the convention-goers were less likely to have a change cup. Don't believe me? Then let's play:

HOMELESS OR ATTENDEE?

Homeless: spends a lot of time sleeping on the street or sitting against a wall
Attendee: spends a lot of time sleeping on any available carpeted floor or sitting against a wall... or in front of an elevator... or in front of doorways... or, as witnessed earlier today, lying head-down and on their side in the middle of a flight of concrete stairs, playing with toys

Homeless: sometimes shouts at people on the street; occasionally provoked into committing acts of battery
Attendee: sometimes stands in hallways, stairways, elevators, etc. and shouts for everyone to raise their hands if they want to be touched in special ways; often, upon seeing a/other cosplayer(s), rushes to commit an act of battery

Homeless: has a sign saying "HOMELESS, PLEASE HELP"
Attendee: has a sign saying "WILL YURI FOR POCKY/HUGS/MONEY"

Homeless: relies on donations for income
Attendee: relies on parental donations for income

Homeless: sometimes trailed by an unpleasant odor
Attendee: sometimes trailed by an unpleasant odor

It Came From the Gamma Quadrant

So the previews for X-Factor #33 are looking pretty awesome. Peter David throws a real curveball into the Skrull invasion storyline--turns out the Skrulls aren't the only shapeshifters in town! Yep, X-Factor and the greater Detroit metro area (or wherever) have been infiltrated by blunt-faced changelings from DS9. A time-displaced Odo has taken over as Jamie's changeling replacement but, given his inability to replicate a human face, he isn't fooling anyone; still, looks like Guido and Val will play along for now.

What happens next in the epic clash between Skrulls, changelings, and mutants? Why did Val Cooper spend the past five months eating steroids for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Stay tuned to find out!

Finally, a comic for people who failed Basic Cultural Sensitivity 101

So the next X-Men story arc is, er, X-Men: Manifest Destiny, which suggests the title was conceived by people who have no idea what, exactly, Manifest Destiny entailed. Now, if the underlying theme was that Cyclops' fisty, fisty concept of "leadership" ("let's send people to beat the crap out of everyone until we are all perfectly safe--do we still have any disposable teenagers left?") is moronic and should be humored by no-one, then hey, you might manage to justify the title with a strained analogy. But that could be asking a lot from the folks who thought X-Force: Needs More Clawz, Rawr!! was a good idea.

Speaking of people who have no idea what Manifest Destiny actually involved, Newsarama poses a question to Axel Alonso:

Newsarama: The term Manifest Destiny beares a significant amount of weight in the history of the U.S. and the expansion of civilization to the Western shores of North America--how does this metaphor apply to the X-Men beyond the obvious move to San Francisco?

Axel Alonso: The X-Men’s move to San Francisco is more than just a change in scenery – it’s a change in strategy. It’s a large part of Cyclops' vision for what the X-Men should be – and one thing they should not be is sitting ducks in a hostile world.

The expansion of civilization, eh? Well, gee. Thanks for the blankets, white man.

We're the Princes of the [Democratic Process]

This week's Time cover:

Hmmm, let's see...

Obama: Edwards' blade did not cut deeply enough. He was right about you. You're slime.
Clinton: Edwards was an effete snob! He died on his knees. I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold.
[Obama looks at her in fury]
Clinton: Ah, I see. Edwards lied. She was not his woman. She was *your* woman. And she never told you. I wonder why. Perhaps I gave her something you never could, and secretly she yearned for my return.

Don't take this as an endorsement, either. Because remember, if McLeod wins, then we end up spending a Saturday night watching Highlander: The Source. And that, my friends, is a battle no one wins.

Dote up a cat, my X-Men

More manga X-Men character designs were released. They're--they're something. It's not that the actual drawings are terrible, they're pretty good, but.

Kitty Pryde: the name says it all! No, really. It does. No need for any further characterization: it's cats all the way. Lots of cats. Oh, she may be bishoujo now boys, but trust me: this can only end in the lingering smell of Meow Mix and lonely nights on a shredded, cat-pee-stained couch by the time she's 30.

Seriously, this is a path that just encourages more shit like this.

Nightcrawler: guy, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out there saving Rosette or something?


And finally, Beast: I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry. Someone needs to bundle your ass on the first Catbus out of Xavier's or whatever ASAP--Mei and Satsuki have got to be better than this.


You can check out the full versions of Anzu's character designs here.

Bet all those "L" and "R" mixups in Japanese seem pretty insignificant now, huh?

Times when it is a good idea to send a text message:

• You need to send someone detailed information like an address or phone number
  
• One or both of you are in a place you cannot talk, like a meeting or class or very noisy room
• You want to be disgustingly cute and tell your significant other that you less-than-three him/her

Times when it is a bad idea to send a text message:

• You and your soon-to-be-ex-wife are in the middle of a nasty divorce and having a dot over an "i" can make the difference between her just being pissed off at you or her waiting at the door to stab you in the chest with a knife.  
  

Oh, Turkey, between this and Brides on Tour, it makes one long for the days when we could simply laugh and watch Turkish Star Wars.  In fact, I hear that sort of thing is in now.

Even with those eyes, Natalie Portman can't emote

Japan loves Star Wars. And this year is the 30th anniversary of Star Wars in Japan. So of course we want to find out how to draw Star Wars characters manga-style.




What, we don't? Well, too late! Now you too, can learn how to draw such strong female Star Wars characters such as Padmé Amidala, Mara Jade, Aayla Secura, and Anne! Wait... who the hell is Anne?


It's so simple- just a few lines here and there, and big eyes, and ta-dah, you have a handmaiden/queen/senator from Naboo! Oh, and bangs, you mustn't forget the bangs, because:

"Manga characters seem to almost always have bangs. Even if the character being drawn in real life does not, the Manga style usually incorporates them anyway, along with longer than usual flowing hair. This often helps add dramatic action to the pose or motion."

I'm a bit surprised they didn't put Princess Leia in there. You know, 'cause then you'd have mother and daughter (and sister-in-law) and then we could really delve into some manga stereotypes.

Oh, there she is. Well then.

Anne?