A: I appreciate a hemorrhoids-based webcomic that never updated as much as the next person, but--who's this Robert DeJesus guy who's always invited to conventions? I tried his website but it's not that helpful.
B: Look, you can't expect him to update his website. Just because his Studio Capsule website link is printed in a convention program guide doesn't mean there needs to be anything recent there for people to look at. Besides, the sage himself has an explanation:
This may come as a surprise to some, artists do have bills and need to eat too. Since I don't make a single dime off of this website there's no fiery desire to crank out work for this site.
"Well, why can other artists get a lot of work up on their site?"
Maybe their art is not in huge demand and they have more time to update, and/or they refuse to work for 'the man'. That's all fine and dandy but in the real world, once you stop living with your parents, one needs currency to keep themselves from living out of a cardboard box.
B: See? He doesn't have to care about presentation because he is a real, working artist. As opposed to artists who regularly update their sites, because those people are probably unpopular and/or deluded.
A: Wow! That makes perfect sense! Thanks for clearing that up. He must really be amazing--I wish I could advertise on his site.
B: Can't. The link to do that is there, but it's broken.
A: He's so good he doesn't care about bennies from web advertising banners either?
B: Even to this day, there are tribes in the Polynesias that still worship him as a god.
A: Wow. That is good!
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
It's no excitement
Dear Broccoli and Gainax:
You were right! Nothing says must-have mecha v. Angel fighting video game like Monotype Corsiva! It's the most powerful font ever.
For a wedding invitation.
Yes, due out in June and approximately 10 years too late to be cool, Neon Genesis Evangelion Battle Orchestra looks every bit the half-assed cash-in attempt.
We know how to keep objects from overlapping! Oh wait, we don't. That's Unit 00's arm sticking out the middle of Ramiel. Crap.
Still, it's probably worth a try for two reasons. One, a plugsuited Kensuke appears in the intro, so if he is a playable pilot, this is probably the only chance anyone will ever have to make Kensuke Aida do something of interest. Then again, this is a game where the black EVA unit is armed with the pinnacle of NERV Angel-fighting technology: nightsticks. So scratch that, Kensuke's toast. Two:
Ramiel and Leliel better be playable characters, that's all I'm saying. Nothing could sum up the undying Evangelion enterprise better than paying 7000 yen to smack a cube and a sphere into each other... to the death.
You were right! Nothing says must-have mecha v. Angel fighting video game like Monotype Corsiva! It's the most powerful font ever.
For a wedding invitation.
Yes, due out in June and approximately 10 years too late to be cool, Neon Genesis Evangelion Battle Orchestra looks every bit the half-assed cash-in attempt.
We know how to keep objects from overlapping! Oh wait, we don't. That's Unit 00's arm sticking out the middle of Ramiel. Crap.
Still, it's probably worth a try for two reasons. One, a plugsuited Kensuke appears in the intro, so if he is a playable pilot, this is probably the only chance anyone will ever have to make Kensuke Aida do something of interest. Then again, this is a game where the black EVA unit is armed with the pinnacle of NERV Angel-fighting technology: nightsticks. So scratch that, Kensuke's toast. Two:
Ramiel and Leliel better be playable characters, that's all I'm saying. Nothing could sum up the undying Evangelion enterprise better than paying 7000 yen to smack a cube and a sphere into each other... to the death.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Everyone has a story to tell...
Don't like mauve book covers? Then turns out you don't actually have to bother with purchasing 2004's Shoujoai Ni Bouken: The Adventures of Yuriko, the visibly homebrew novel by Erica Friedman with Kelli Nicely on illustrations. But does the carpet match the drapes? Well, the text is available online and it is fan-tastic. Generic fanfic, that is. It's more or less grammatically decent, though, if that moves you. Also moving: the dramatic opening scene in which our heroine goes! To! Makeup! In adjective-pulsing detail:
"Just once more and we’re done.” Yuriko could feel the cool slime of cold cream pass across her cheek, followed by a vigorous circular rubbing motion. Her skin became warm, and the slimy feeling changed to a slightly tacky sensation. She sighed impatiently and crossed her arms. The sensation ceased.
“You’re done.” The hairdresser was tall, scandalously thin and exceptionally effeminate. He put his hands on his hips and looked at Yuriko condescendingly. “That wasn’t *that* bad, was it?” He leaned forward, peering at her closely. “Oh wait, I missed…” She slapped his hand away and stood abruptly.
No, what would be bad would if the publishing arm of your organization thinks *asterisks are a professional-looking substitute for boldface*. Yeah, I know just about anyone can self-publish nowadays. But presentation still counts, people! That's all I'm saying.
"Just once more and we’re done.” Yuriko could feel the cool slime of cold cream pass across her cheek, followed by a vigorous circular rubbing motion. Her skin became warm, and the slimy feeling changed to a slightly tacky sensation. She sighed impatiently and crossed her arms. The sensation ceased.
“You’re done.” The hairdresser was tall, scandalously thin and exceptionally effeminate. He put his hands on his hips and looked at Yuriko condescendingly. “That wasn’t *that* bad, was it?” He leaned forward, peering at her closely. “Oh wait, I missed…” She slapped his hand away and stood abruptly.
No, what would be bad would if the publishing arm of your organization thinks *asterisks are a professional-looking substitute for boldface*. Yeah, I know just about anyone can self-publish nowadays. But presentation still counts, people! That's all I'm saying.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Every time you pirate an Avril MP3, a kitten dies... oh yeah, and then this happens
A scene from Episode 8 of Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes, which is now officially The Funniest Free Podcast Ever (in the Last Two Months):
Avril Lavigne gets chomped by a giant sea monster.
Avril Lavigne gets chomped by a giant sea monster.
Monday, April 23, 2007
If otaku ruled the world, there would be no war, and also no labor movement
Anime Boston 2007: complete. There were a few complaints about the convention hotel, which is currently on the rocks with hotel employee union Local 26. Says one Anime Boston staffer:
I was running the Tetris DS tournament out on the balcony of the game room, and right before the 1st round began the strikers started making loud noise and their union party van started playing lame 90s "techno", and we kept screaming at the to STFU. And then Sheraton people came and kicked us off the balcony cause we were interrupting their strike >.>
"Jeezus fuck, what is wrong with you people? 'Working without contract for the past six months' blah blah blah. We are trying to play video games over here! And play some goddamn decent protest music while you're at it! It's like you assholes don't even have any 'Real Emotion' remixes in there."
I was running the Tetris DS tournament out on the balcony of the game room, and right before the 1st round began the strikers started making loud noise and their union party van started playing lame 90s "techno", and we kept screaming at the to STFU. And then Sheraton people came and kicked us off the balcony cause we were interrupting their strike >.>
"Jeezus fuck, what is wrong with you people? 'Working without contract for the past six months' blah blah blah. We are trying to play video games over here! And play some goddamn decent protest music while you're at it! It's like you assholes don't even have any 'Real Emotion' remixes in there."
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Words there are none
From Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes, Episode 7, in which our protagonist Hana acts out her secret wishes:
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Public Service Message
Get the Anime Industry to Take You Seriously: A Fan's Guide to Contacting Companies via Email
1. Spam, spam, spam, glorious spam. Sending twenty identical emails titled "Read Me", "Please Read Me", and "Important - Must Read" is a great way to get people's attention. Once their junk mail filter is full, they'll have no choice but to listen to you. (Junk mail filters do get full, right?)
2. Personal insults get results. The result is that your illiterate, obscenity-strewn message will either be tossed on sight or tacked on the wall for employees to mock. Clearly, it's only a matter of time before the company, weeping with collective guilt, accedes to your demands.
3. You don't need knowledge to know what you're talking about. You've never had a real job, much less one in the anime industry. But you read ANN, for God's sake, obviously you know as much (if not more) about running a company as any of its employees. So tell companies what to do, and be prepared to quote Wikipedia if necessary; execs will bow to your superior business acumen.
4. Anime skillz are more important than work skills. Companies don't hire based on experience, education, or skill. In fact, HR always keeps a few choice game design, character design, and scriptwriter positions open because they're just waiting for you to email and say "I'm a huge fan, will you hire me? And produce a movie based on my fanfic (sample attached)?"
5. Santa Claus has branch offices in California, New York, and Texas. Maybe your parents won't buy you the company's product, but the company definitely will. Just email your address and the list of items you want for free, then wait for your package to arrive via FedEx Overnight.
If these tactics fail to achieve the desired result, it may be that the company just doesn't care about you as a fan. Because if the company really loved you, it would do whatever it took to make you happy. And like the ex-boyfriend who only dated you because he was on the rebound, the company must be forced to realize that spurning your affections was a fatal error.
The next guide will include everything you need to accomplish this and more! Here's a preview:
1. Trash your ex on the internet. Whether it's your old boyfriend's secret herpes infection or the character names and dialogue lines that the company "translated" with total disregard for the BitTorrent subtitles, let it all out so the world will know how badly you've been hurt. The more you complain, the more reasonable you will sound.
1. Spam, spam, spam, glorious spam. Sending twenty identical emails titled "Read Me", "Please Read Me", and "Important - Must Read" is a great way to get people's attention. Once their junk mail filter is full, they'll have no choice but to listen to you. (Junk mail filters do get full, right?)
2. Personal insults get results. The result is that your illiterate, obscenity-strewn message will either be tossed on sight or tacked on the wall for employees to mock. Clearly, it's only a matter of time before the company, weeping with collective guilt, accedes to your demands.
3. You don't need knowledge to know what you're talking about. You've never had a real job, much less one in the anime industry. But you read ANN, for God's sake, obviously you know as much (if not more) about running a company as any of its employees. So tell companies what to do, and be prepared to quote Wikipedia if necessary; execs will bow to your superior business acumen.
4. Anime skillz are more important than work skills. Companies don't hire based on experience, education, or skill. In fact, HR always keeps a few choice game design, character design, and scriptwriter positions open because they're just waiting for you to email and say "I'm a huge fan, will you hire me? And produce a movie based on my fanfic (sample attached)?"
5. Santa Claus has branch offices in California, New York, and Texas. Maybe your parents won't buy you the company's product, but the company definitely will. Just email your address and the list of items you want for free, then wait for your package to arrive via FedEx Overnight.
If these tactics fail to achieve the desired result, it may be that the company just doesn't care about you as a fan. Because if the company really loved you, it would do whatever it took to make you happy. And like the ex-boyfriend who only dated you because he was on the rebound, the company must be forced to realize that spurning your affections was a fatal error.
The next guide will include everything you need to accomplish this and more! Here's a preview:
1. Trash your ex on the internet. Whether it's your old boyfriend's secret herpes infection or the character names and dialogue lines that the company "translated" with total disregard for the BitTorrent subtitles, let it all out so the world will know how badly you've been hurt. The more you complain, the more reasonable you will sound.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Rain obscures without lying, and also makes things soppy wet
You can now subscribe to Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes (A Tribe Called Quest) on iTunes as a free download. Or hop over to make5wishes.com, an official site that resembles the free-hosted fan website of a clueless teenage girl. Right down to the Google ads and disregard for attractive web design!
You can even "Sign Up" there. For what, it doesn't say. Perhaps a demon-ridden box that can only be dispelled by the imaginary musician friend of your choice. Perhaps junk email from Nettwerk.com.
Sorry for the forthcoming spam, flintstone@yabbadabba.com. But it was in the name of research.
Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes (A Pimp Named Slickback) episodes aren't a terrible concept when viewed in something akin to the intended format. Print can be unkind to Camilla D'Errico's art, here verging on the amateur webcomic level--rubbery bodies, faces that don't look their age, generic backgrounds--but seen one panel at a time, it's oddly appropriate.
Likewise, it's not Joshua Dysart's best and his rain-based metaphors need work (okay, a lot of his metaphors probably need work), but it's an emo parade for an emo age group. And the story, such as it is, does pick up once the happy wish-granting demon appears and the reader is no longer trapped alone with protagonist Hana's endless angst. Hey, Hana! Maybe the futility of life isn't the reason you don't have real friends. Maybe you don't have real friends because you suck.
Until Hana learns a Valuable Life Lesson, tune in to Episode 4 for the unintentionally amusing bit where Hana rags on an old jazz guitarist because jazz music is dumb and slow. Old music suxxorz compared to Avril Lavigne! Yes, a scene so pathetic that even Imaginary Avril Lavigne is embarassed to be part of it. And Imaginary Avril's embarassment is understandable; a manga where her biggest fan is a delusional, mopey little muffin who doesn't know shit about music... just doesn't seem like a particularly effective sell for the brand, no?
Friday, April 6, 2007
Rumble in the Barracks
Avengers: The Initiative.
Set in Stamford, Connecticut...
...but filmed on location in Vancouver.
(Avengers: The Initiative #1 scans from IGN and scans_daily user Flidgetjerome.)
Set in Stamford, Connecticut...
...but filmed on location in Vancouver.
(Avengers: The Initiative #1 scans from IGN and scans_daily user Flidgetjerome.)
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