MNEMOSYNE RELEASES NEW SODA, TENTACLE GRAPE
NEW YORK, NY - December 29, 2008 -Mnemosyne LLC has teamed up with the people who brought you the Anime After Dark Film Festival to bring you a new taste sensation!
This new beverage, inspired by the genre of adult Japanese animation called Hentai, is a perfect caffeine rush for gamers, cosplayers, and comic book fans.
"Obviously I don't take the brand very seriously. we can't. The best I can do is develop products that I'd want to buy myself and frankly this is the right combination of ridiculous and delicious." Says brand creator, Dekker Dreyer.
Proofreading: another thing he doesn't take very seriously. So, uh, Tentacle... Gr--
As the website copy says, "WATCH OUT! You gonna get GRAPED!" (Her lips say "いや!" but her tastebuds say "おいしい!")
The only reason this soda exists is to point out that "rape" sounds a lot like "grape," and wouldn't it be funny if you constantly replaced the word "rape" with "grape"? "[S]tart graping your friends!" Uh, no thanks. But please note that this beverage is "crafted with care... [by a "skilled team of grapists," no less] and a slight feeling of breathless anticipation." Because what's more appetizing than the thought of a bunch of geeks hunched over a soda production line, "breathlessly anticipating" (there's a new euphemism for you) the forcible pseudopod rape of screaming, baby-faced Japanese schoolgirls all over it? Woo. Plus, once you've seen a criminal case where a man suggests he molested his prepubescent daughter in part because he was influenced by his anime porn habit, thinking about a "skilled grapist" is just not thirst-making. Still, if it weren't prohibited by jail regulations, the guy would probably really appreciate someone pre-ordering him a case of Tentacle Grape. You gotta laugh at it all, right?
(According to the press release, "[a]dditional flavors and label designs are slated for the third quarter of 2009." How about Shouta-Cola? You can put a cringing 6-year old anime boy on the label and surround him with molesty adult hands. The fizzy taste of imminent pedo-rape is just the right combination of ridiculous and delicious to appeal to Mr. Dreyer's purchasing sensibilities.)
Keep on keepin' it classy, male fandom! And I'll keep avoiding you at conventions. And comic book stores. And GameStop. And...
