Courtesy of Lampbane, a little shot of ipecac for your soul.
The game in question is 陽射しの中のリアル (Hizashi no Naka no Real) [not safe for work; probably not safe for life], a Flash-based game where you get your creepy sex groove on with suspiciously young-looking (not-real) girls. So basically, there really is no way in the world to defend yourself if you're ever caught playing this game in earnest; that spreading warmth - no, the other one, even lower than that - is the sulfurous fires of hell rising up to engulf you right in front of your astonished parents (or whoever's turn it is to leave the meals outside your bedroom door today).
The game's developer, mu-soft (previously BitMap Works), has some staff profiles on their website, which are pretty much exactly what you'd expect. Wow! They're all otaku! No shit.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
I'll be back later to answer your questions, but first--
Not a lot of local media love for cartoon morons Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens, with their buffoon-like comments and their "starving artists" schtick. Also, the Globe et al are now more-than-implying that Interference, the guerrilla marketing firm behind it all, purposely didn't defuse the ruckus until later in the day.
Unsurprisingly, Interference blanked out their website yesterday - it now has a generic non-apology and some sloppy HTML up top - and declined to answer questions. Their head honcho is, um, out of town. Yeah. That's it. Out of town.
(It's never a good sign when the boss also answers to "Sanjay" and has Froghammer on his resume.)
Anyway, hopefully they'll wrap up the media trial phase soon and clear these folks off the radar, 'cause Berdovsky has this Zach de la Rocha / "I played in Korn" vibe that makes it hard for me to care. So hard. Not that he needs my concern now that he has 15 minutes of fame!
Even more troubling, any combination of artists and endeavors that include the word "guerilla" reminds me of that one time I ran into this hipster guy who thought he was, like, an artist 'cause he got a New York Magazine profile for jizzing on stuff a lot and, y'know, the next thing I remember, I'm standing next to this dumpster with blood all over my hands, and I'm just screaming "the Dutch Masters will eat you" over and over? And the blood wasn't even mine? Yeah, that was a little weird.
Unsurprisingly, Interference blanked out their website yesterday - it now has a generic non-apology and some sloppy HTML up top - and declined to answer questions. Their head honcho is, um, out of town. Yeah. That's it. Out of town.
(It's never a good sign when the boss also answers to "Sanjay" and has Froghammer on his resume.)
Anyway, hopefully they'll wrap up the media trial phase soon and clear these folks off the radar, 'cause Berdovsky has this Zach de la Rocha / "I played in Korn" vibe that makes it hard for me to care. So hard. Not that he needs my concern now that he has 15 minutes of fame!
Even more troubling, any combination of artists and endeavors that include the word "guerilla" reminds me of that one time I ran into this hipster guy who thought he was, like, an artist 'cause he got a New York Magazine profile for jizzing on stuff a lot and, y'know, the next thing I remember, I'm standing next to this dumpster with blood all over my hands, and I'm just screaming "the Dutch Masters will eat you" over and over? And the blood wasn't even mine? Yeah, that was a little weird.
Coakley is gonna get you... tonight
Sayeth the Annotated Laws of Massachusetts, Part IV, Title 1, Ch. 266, §102A1/2:
§ 102A1/2. Possession of Hoax Device.
(a) Whoever possesses, transports, uses or places or causes another to knowingly or unknowingly possess, transport, use or place any hoax device or hoax substance with the intent to cause anxiety, unrest, fear or personal discomfort to any person or group of persons shall be punished by imprisonment in a house of correction for not more than two and one-half years or by imprisonment in the state prison for not more than five years or by a fine of not more than $5,000, or by both such fine and imprisonment.
(b) For the purposes of this section, the term "hoax device" shall mean any device that would cause a person reasonably to believe that such device is an infernal machine. For the purposes of this section, the term "infernal machine" shall mean any device for endangering life or doing unusual damage to property, or both, by fire or explosion, whether or not contrived to ignite or explode automatically. For the purposes of this section, the words "hoax substance" shall mean any substance that would cause a person reasonably to believe that such substance is a harmful chemical or biological agent, a poison, a harmful radioactive substance or any other substance for causing serious bodily injury, endangering life or doing unusual damage to property, or both.
Somehow, I don't think they're impressed. ("Dude, you know what would make this even funnier? If we were totally baked right now." "Yeah, motherfuckin' word to that.")
Addendum:
Oops, the Globe has decided they were actually vaguely contrite after all. ("Shit, they're looking at us. Do the camera face!")
§ 102A1/2. Possession of Hoax Device.
(a) Whoever possesses, transports, uses or places or causes another to knowingly or unknowingly possess, transport, use or place any hoax device or hoax substance with the intent to cause anxiety, unrest, fear or personal discomfort to any person or group of persons shall be punished by imprisonment in a house of correction for not more than two and one-half years or by imprisonment in the state prison for not more than five years or by a fine of not more than $5,000, or by both such fine and imprisonment.
(b) For the purposes of this section, the term "hoax device" shall mean any device that would cause a person reasonably to believe that such device is an infernal machine. For the purposes of this section, the term "infernal machine" shall mean any device for endangering life or doing unusual damage to property, or both, by fire or explosion, whether or not contrived to ignite or explode automatically. For the purposes of this section, the words "hoax substance" shall mean any substance that would cause a person reasonably to believe that such substance is a harmful chemical or biological agent, a poison, a harmful radioactive substance or any other substance for causing serious bodily injury, endangering life or doing unusual damage to property, or both.
Somehow, I don't think they're impressed. ("Dude, you know what would make this even funnier? If we were totally baked right now." "Yeah, motherfuckin' word to that.")
Addendum:
Oops, the Globe has decided they were actually vaguely contrite after all. ("Shit, they're looking at us. Do the camera face!")
Dear Boston: ha ha, you be stupid. Now come see our movie. [Adult Swim]
Friends describe Berdovsky as talented, 'great kid'
That's right. The Boston Herald is already giving Peter Berdovsky, arrested artiste-cum-guerilla marketing deployer for hire, the perp treatment. Unfortunately his mother is still in Belarus, so there will be no press conferences in which she sobs hysterically and says she doesn't believe her son did it, he never meant to hurt anyone, he was always very quiet, such a good boy.
Well, maybe someone will pony up a swank defense lawyer for the kid. Can they get him Richard Gere? The kid already kinda has that Edward-Norton-living-under-a-bridge look. I think it just might work.
Meanwhile, Turner's Phil Kent offered up another, wordier non-apology:
"We really deeply regret that it was horribly misinterpreted to be a public danger, when all it was intended to do was to draw attention to a late-night television show," said Phil Kent, chairman and chief executive of the network, based in Atlanta. "This is not the kind of publicity we would ever seek."
In other words: We're sorry you're stupid. It's not our fault that you're stupid. Good luck with being stupid and all the best, Phil K.
But don't front, Phil; five bucks says the guys at AS are totally high-fiving. (We hold in our grasp the power to bring cities to their knees!) Plus, now even New York Times readers know that Err "seems angry, with slanted eyebrows and what appear to be raised middle fingers." You can't buy this kind of publicity! Except with a team of lawyers to fend off apoplectic politicians waving bills for the BPD, but you know. Close enough.
That's right. The Boston Herald is already giving Peter Berdovsky, arrested artiste-cum-guerilla marketing deployer for hire, the perp treatment. Unfortunately his mother is still in Belarus, so there will be no press conferences in which she sobs hysterically and says she doesn't believe her son did it, he never meant to hurt anyone, he was always very quiet, such a good boy.
Well, maybe someone will pony up a swank defense lawyer for the kid. Can they get him Richard Gere? The kid already kinda has that Edward-Norton-living-under-a-bridge look. I think it just might work.
Meanwhile, Turner's Phil Kent offered up another, wordier non-apology:
"We really deeply regret that it was horribly misinterpreted to be a public danger, when all it was intended to do was to draw attention to a late-night television show," said Phil Kent, chairman and chief executive of the network, based in Atlanta. "This is not the kind of publicity we would ever seek."
In other words: We're sorry you're stupid. It's not our fault that you're stupid. Good luck with being stupid and all the best, Phil K.
But don't front, Phil; five bucks says the guys at AS are totally high-fiving. (We hold in our grasp the power to bring cities to their knees!) Plus, now even New York Times readers know that Err "seems angry, with slanted eyebrows and what appear to be raised middle fingers." You can't buy this kind of publicity! Except with a team of lawyers to fend off apoplectic politicians waving bills for the BPD, but you know. Close enough.
You guys should totally talk to Eric Schaeffer
Mainichi Daily New's Wai Wai features Shukan Josei on Japan Cherry Boys Club vows to end innocence by drawing lines, practicing judo:
Japan's male virgins have given up on the idea of being unwillingly celibate for life and will do their bit to curb the dramatically declining national birthrate, the head of the Japan Cherry Boys Association tells Shukan Josei (2/13).
That's not even the best part, not even close. The honor goes to:
"First and foremost, we study. To make sure we have an anatomical background of women, we all draw pictures of female genitalia and critique them," Watanabe tells the women's weekly. "We had one guy who just drew a straight line and said, 'I'm finished.' That's how little we all know. It's really pathetic."
Japan's male virgins have given up on the idea of being unwillingly celibate for life and will do their bit to curb the dramatically declining national birthrate, the head of the Japan Cherry Boys Association tells Shukan Josei (2/13).
That's not even the best part, not even close. The honor goes to:
"First and foremost, we study. To make sure we have an anatomical background of women, we all draw pictures of female genitalia and critique them," Watanabe tells the women's weekly. "We had one guy who just drew a straight line and said, 'I'm finished.' That's how little we all know. It's really pathetic."
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Shoujo stories where girls fall in love with their rapists in 10 pages or less are totally deep and shit
Underage anime girls aren't the only objects of glassy-eyed idolization out there. Witness Wakaranai's response to Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes:
It really just pains me to say the name of ‘manga’ and all it stands for [Including harems, salaryman porn, women working out their issues through yaoi, battling an endless succession of enemies to be the best, and a lasting phobia of pubic hair? -Ed.] being whored out to the mindless cultural retardation of US pop-culture, [As opposed to the intelligent acceleration of Japanese pop culture. -Ed.] to create some soulless marketing abomination which will be lapped up by the unsuspecting public and mistrued as being an actual manga.
Who knew you could Humbert Humbert the concept of manga? The author elaborates in a comment further down:
I don’t actually think manga is inherently better than any other genre or cultural phenomenon just because it’s manga.
Except for two lines down where she says manga "is far less mindless and trite" than Avril Lavigne and what she represents:
But if you think that MTV and its associated musical culture (The pop charts etc) is of the same creative calibre as the average manga release then you should seriously rethink your analysis.
Later on, another commentator on the blog writes:
Wow…..that’s so….disgusting! How could they? Why do people always feel the need to widen their marketing spectrum by invading popular pop-cultures like manga, just for the sake of money?
Manga, on the other hand, when kept pure in race (especially race) and thought (cultures should be kept separate and unequal), is fueled by creative and artistic integrity. Not money. The truth is, such is the publishing industry that editors welcome their artists with stardust kisses and everyone operates on budgets of fairy dew and moonlight ambrosia. Honest.
It really just pains me to say the name of ‘manga’ and all it stands for [Including harems, salaryman porn, women working out their issues through yaoi, battling an endless succession of enemies to be the best, and a lasting phobia of pubic hair? -Ed.] being whored out to the mindless cultural retardation of US pop-culture, [As opposed to the intelligent acceleration of Japanese pop culture. -Ed.] to create some soulless marketing abomination which will be lapped up by the unsuspecting public and mistrued as being an actual manga.
Who knew you could Humbert Humbert the concept of manga? The author elaborates in a comment further down:
I don’t actually think manga is inherently better than any other genre or cultural phenomenon just because it’s manga.
Except for two lines down where she says manga "is far less mindless and trite" than Avril Lavigne and what she represents:
But if you think that MTV and its associated musical culture (The pop charts etc) is of the same creative calibre as the average manga release then you should seriously rethink your analysis.
Later on, another commentator on the blog writes:
Wow…..that’s so….disgusting! How could they? Why do people always feel the need to widen their marketing spectrum by invading popular pop-cultures like manga, just for the sake of money?
Manga, on the other hand, when kept pure in race (especially race) and thought (cultures should be kept separate and unequal), is fueled by creative and artistic integrity. Not money. The truth is, such is the publishing industry that editors welcome their artists with stardust kisses and everyone operates on budgets of fairy dew and moonlight ambrosia. Honest.
Mooninite two gives Menino the finger
Today in Boston, Mooninite landings across Boston forced police to scramble into action and block off traffic. But no fear, citizens, it was all part of an Aqua Teen Hunger Force promotion - well, except for the part about police scrambling into action and pissed-off public officials. Who would have thought planting odd objects with flashing lights on bridges could possibly have caused the slightest alarm in any part of our peaceful, carefree nation?
Hang on, don't answer that.
Clearly, this is one of the odd things that can happen when either a) PR is too cheap to shell out for actual billboards (no halted MTA bus, no fuss - and you can flip off entire richly deserving neighborhoods at a time), or b) PR is okayed by the same brilliant minds who decided 12 Oz. Mouse was a good pickup.*
In a clever use of the classic "Well, I'm sorry you decided to be offended" defense, most famously utilized in Justice Brown's opinion upholding segregation in Plessy v. Ferguson but called into action any time anyone feels obligated to non-apologize for something they're not the least bit sorry about (and probably wish they could do again just to see you react), Turner Broadcasting offered the following brief statement:
The ''packages'' in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger. They are part of an outdoor marketing campaign in 10 cities in support of Adult Swim’s animated television show Aqua Teen Hunger Force. They have been in place for two to three weeks in Boston, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and Philadelphia. Parent company Turner Broadcasting is in contact with local and federal law enforcement on the exact locations of the billboards. We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger.
Meanwhile, following 5 minutes of intense online research (4.9 if you count the time it took to type "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" into Google), the Boston Globe article helpfully fills in readers on what exactly is going on:
The boxy character is named Err and appears to be raising his middle finger and giving an obscene gesture. Err is described on the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" website as "rebellious and angry."
Sounds like a perfect Al Qaeda recruit to me.
* PR decisions not actually okayed by same brilliant minds who decided 12 Oz. Mouse was a good pickup. In no plane or tangential dimension of the multiverse have brilliant minds considered 12 Oz. Mouse a good pickup, ever.
Hang on, don't answer that.
Clearly, this is one of the odd things that can happen when either a) PR is too cheap to shell out for actual billboards (no halted MTA bus, no fuss - and you can flip off entire richly deserving neighborhoods at a time), or b) PR is okayed by the same brilliant minds who decided 12 Oz. Mouse was a good pickup.*
In a clever use of the classic "Well, I'm sorry you decided to be offended" defense, most famously utilized in Justice Brown's opinion upholding segregation in Plessy v. Ferguson but called into action any time anyone feels obligated to non-apologize for something they're not the least bit sorry about (and probably wish they could do again just to see you react), Turner Broadcasting offered the following brief statement:
The ''packages'' in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger. They are part of an outdoor marketing campaign in 10 cities in support of Adult Swim’s animated television show Aqua Teen Hunger Force. They have been in place for two to three weeks in Boston, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and Philadelphia. Parent company Turner Broadcasting is in contact with local and federal law enforcement on the exact locations of the billboards. We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger.
Meanwhile, following 5 minutes of intense online research (4.9 if you count the time it took to type "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" into Google), the Boston Globe article helpfully fills in readers on what exactly is going on:
The boxy character is named Err and appears to be raising his middle finger and giving an obscene gesture. Err is described on the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" website as "rebellious and angry."
Sounds like a perfect Al Qaeda recruit to me.
* PR decisions not actually okayed by same brilliant minds who decided 12 Oz. Mouse was a good pickup. In no plane or tangential dimension of the multiverse have brilliant minds considered 12 Oz. Mouse a good pickup, ever.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
As if a warhead of happiness spread its joyful shrapnel though my heart!!
Avril Lavigne: The Manga. That is, Del Rey's bringing you Avril Lavigne's Make 5 Wishes. No word on a tie-in single yet; we can only pray that Eragon didn't overly tax her artistic wellspring.
Illustrator Camilla d'Errico does a fitting Range Murata-esque sideline in hapless young girls and technology, although Del Rey's sample spread looks more webcomic than professional. On her website, D'Errico begins her artist statement like so:
The artist in me finds joy in angst.
Truer words were ne'er spoken, which brings us to author Joshua Dysart's online journal and the following description of the 2-volume attempt to cash in on Avril's Japanese and Korean fans:
All my standard themes are in place. All the humanist based horror, all the loneliness and, yes, all the tragedy found in any of my work can also be found here.
So it's a tragic, young adult horror story. But, strangely, one about Avril and not Britney, Lindsey, Paris, or some drunken, cooch-flashing, shiny-car-no-know-how-to-driving, career-diving chimera of all three. Okay, you could argue that rhyming "boi" with "boi" is somewhat horrific, may even count as genuine artistic tragedy... but we'll pass on that for now.
And by humanist based horror, loneliness, and tragedy, Dysart means profound lines like "[Her music] was in every part of my life, and even though it seemed to come from so far away... it still felt like it was aimed right at me... like a missile!! Her music took away the numbness." Sonic ICBM healing, Make 5 Wishes's readers will soon need your help as well. Please.
There's no actual plot reason to brand the story with Avril Lavigne's name; Generic Pop Music Vehicle for Superficial Girl Empowerment's 5 Wishes would work just as well. Alas, no mention of the manga has made it onto the real Avril's official website. On the other hand, neither have the past two months.
Illustrator Camilla d'Errico does a fitting Range Murata-esque sideline in hapless young girls and technology, although Del Rey's sample spread looks more webcomic than professional. On her website, D'Errico begins her artist statement like so:
The artist in me finds joy in angst.
Truer words were ne'er spoken, which brings us to author Joshua Dysart's online journal and the following description of the 2-volume attempt to cash in on Avril's Japanese and Korean fans:
All my standard themes are in place. All the humanist based horror, all the loneliness and, yes, all the tragedy found in any of my work can also be found here.
So it's a tragic, young adult horror story. But, strangely, one about Avril and not Britney, Lindsey, Paris, or some drunken, cooch-flashing, shiny-car-no-know-how-to-driving, career-diving chimera of all three. Okay, you could argue that rhyming "boi" with "boi" is somewhat horrific, may even count as genuine artistic tragedy... but we'll pass on that for now.
And by humanist based horror, loneliness, and tragedy, Dysart means profound lines like "[Her music] was in every part of my life, and even though it seemed to come from so far away... it still felt like it was aimed right at me... like a missile!! Her music took away the numbness." Sonic ICBM healing, Make 5 Wishes's readers will soon need your help as well. Please.
There's no actual plot reason to brand the story with Avril Lavigne's name; Generic Pop Music Vehicle for Superficial Girl Empowerment's 5 Wishes would work just as well. Alas, no mention of the manga has made it onto the real Avril's official website. On the other hand, neither have the past two months.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
For your consideration redux
One site taking the American Anime Awards seriously is Alternative Teen Services, offering up the following tips for unwitting librarians eager to turn today's teenagers into tomorrow's uncritical junk-media whores. Choice excerpts follow:
Here are some ideas for celebrating the American Anime awards:
* Make a news announcement about the American Anime Awards at your next teen meeting. Handout small slips of paper with the url for voting.
* Setup a few voting laptops at your next anime program and encourage teens to vote during the meeting.
...
* Tape the broadcast and watch it together at your next teen anime meeting.
* Post a link to the American Anime awards on your teen myspace or blog.
If you don’t have an anime group together, this could be your opportunity to speak with teens in the library about starting a group. Find out which teens like anime and manga, and tell them about the 1st Annual American Anime awards. Ask teens if they might be interested in meeting up to discuss manga and watch anime at the library.
ADV seriously owes these folks a box of manga for their efforts. Dare I say, award-nominated manga.
Also check out the entry on the Fayetteville Public Library's Teen Alternative Fashion Show. Alternative teen fashion, Naruto cosplay, whatever. Same thing.
Here are some ideas for celebrating the American Anime awards:
* Make a news announcement about the American Anime Awards at your next teen meeting. Handout small slips of paper with the url for voting.
* Setup a few voting laptops at your next anime program and encourage teens to vote during the meeting.
...
* Tape the broadcast and watch it together at your next teen anime meeting.
* Post a link to the American Anime awards on your teen myspace or blog.
If you don’t have an anime group together, this could be your opportunity to speak with teens in the library about starting a group. Find out which teens like anime and manga, and tell them about the 1st Annual American Anime awards. Ask teens if they might be interested in meeting up to discuss manga and watch anime at the library.
ADV seriously owes these folks a box of manga for their efforts. Dare I say, award-nominated manga.
Also check out the entry on the Fayetteville Public Library's Teen Alternative Fashion Show. Alternative teen fashion, Naruto cosplay, whatever. Same thing.
For your consideration
The American Anime Awards in a nutshell:
I. Hosted by a stable of ADV voice actresses whom ADV (in a boldly post-feminist move) has proudly styled the Babes of Anime. They're beautiful, they're sought-after, they're objectified (empowered) for your viewing pleasure.
II. Later to be broadcast on ADV Film's Anime Network. It's not PR, it's synergy.
III. Ballot "developed by both industry representatives and independent anime experts" in a nomination process that runs roughly like so: Viz, Tokyopop, Media Blasters, Geneon, Funimation, Del Rey, Bandai, and ADV each jerk off twice onto a cracker. At the Anime Network's suggestion, Anime Insider, Animeondvd.com (now with new American Anime Awards Member button action), and Anime News Network are invited to add their own special wank. Fans then dared to to swallow the entire thing whole without gagging.
IV. Hired oversight team helpless to prevent Johnny Yong Bosch's best voice actor in an anime comedy nomination--for Akira. Also helpless to prevent NA from appearing twice on ballot under best anime feature and best anime series of 13 episodes or less.
V. Hired oversight team (still helpless, or perhaps laughably inept) forgot to include "two very important and deserving" Del Rey nominees, Negima and Tsubasa, in the nominations for best manga.
Still, the American Anime Awards did one thing right. By making the awards about "the very best anime to make its way into North America" and not about excellence in the anime industry in America, it can keep its award categories focused on pimping the merchandise, not recognizing the work of behind the scenes talent.
Next time, sound mixers and script adapters of America. Next time.
I. Hosted by a stable of ADV voice actresses whom ADV (in a boldly post-feminist move) has proudly styled the Babes of Anime. They're beautiful, they're sought-after, they're objectified (empowered) for your viewing pleasure.
II. Later to be broadcast on ADV Film's Anime Network. It's not PR, it's synergy.
III. Ballot "developed by both industry representatives and independent anime experts" in a nomination process that runs roughly like so: Viz, Tokyopop, Media Blasters, Geneon, Funimation, Del Rey, Bandai, and ADV each jerk off twice onto a cracker. At the Anime Network's suggestion, Anime Insider, Animeondvd.com (now with new American Anime Awards Member button action), and Anime News Network are invited to add their own special wank. Fans then dared to to swallow the entire thing whole without gagging.
IV. Hired oversight team helpless to prevent Johnny Yong Bosch's best voice actor in an anime comedy nomination--for Akira. Also helpless to prevent NA from appearing twice on ballot under best anime feature and best anime series of 13 episodes or less.
V. Hired oversight team (still helpless, or perhaps laughably inept) forgot to include "two very important and deserving" Del Rey nominees, Negima and Tsubasa, in the nominations for best manga.
Still, the American Anime Awards did one thing right. By making the awards about "the very best anime to make its way into North America" and not about excellence in the anime industry in America, it can keep its award categories focused on pimping the merchandise, not recognizing the work of behind the scenes talent.
Next time, sound mixers and script adapters of America. Next time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)