Taking the concept of fan wank to a new and disturbingly literal level

Pokemon fansite Serebii makes Something Awful's Weekend Web feature this week. Should we even be shocked that there's a Pokephilia Club thread out there? Because somehow it's hard to muster the surprise anymore.

Besides, it's not exactly hard to find Pokemon fans who are a step removed from reality. Something Awful could just have easily plumbed the depths of the Save Our Voice Actors club, headquartered on Bulbagarden and a one-time blip on last year's fandom wank radar. This kid's crew is still fixated on Pokemon characters and the voice actors from 4Kids, Pokemon's former dubbers; they're convinced they will get that semi-original cast back any day now despite everyone else having moved on with their lives - except 4Kids VA Maddie Blaustein, who apparently still hangs around to post about her hurt feelings.

Though I adored anime characters when I was a wee lass (having outgrown ponies, dragons, and death-dealing robots but not yet moved onto real human beings), I could never compare to typical SOVA specimen PokemonTrainerLisa, who thinks that fanmailing former Pokemon voice actor Veronica Taylor means they have a promising relationship:

Speaking of getting the VAs on SOVAcast, well, since Veronica and I are pretty close, I could send her an email, asking if she'd like to come on the SOVAcast. And she would most likely reply back to me as soon as she reads her email (she's replied to MANY of my messages before, and we seem to be good friends now).

However, I'm getting worried, because Veronica hasn't replied to any of my messages in a long while. It's odd because, usually, she would reply to every message I send her (it would normally take her anywhere from a few days, to 1 or 2 weeks to reply back, depending on how busy she is and everything).

But as for the reason why she hasn't replied to me lately, I'm not sure if it's because she's been very busy with all her VA work or if it's something else. But anyway, I haven't heard from her in a good while, and it's starting to worry me.

The SOVA mystery club is so out of touch with reality in general that they're phoning up Pokemon's latest hire, former 4Kids exec Caryl Liebmann, for help. See, if she used to work at 4Kids, then the only possible reason Pokemon hired her was to work on the TV show. Because that is so totally what Director of Retail Promotions means.

Shiny Happy People Holding Hands

In a completely, unmistakably neutral piece titled "Japan resorts to manga propaganda", the AP and CNN discover the Japanese penchant for putting cute mascots on everything. Including the Self Defense Force.

"Prince Pickles is our image character because he's very endearing, which is what Japan's military stands for," said Defense Agency official Shotaro Yanagi. "He's our mascot and appears in our pamphlets and stationery."



Yes, endearing he is, indeed! Which raises a good question: why didn't anyone think of this earlier? It's nothing short of pure brilliance. Any military force could potentially be a highly-trained, devasting force... for cute! To help you visualize, we quickly drew up the following examples:



Is there any limit to the power of cartoon mascots?

Public Relations: A Lost Art

Here's one by way of Gothamist: NYU Asian Heritage Club protests appearance by non-Asian Heritaged band Ching Chong Song, which then renames itself the Church of Lurch. As noted, a Ching Chong Song appearance was previously nixed at Bryn Mawr, prompting band member Julia LaMendola to (presumably) get Gibson drunk and write a poorly-thought out rant to the school paper which was promptly published, as the editor rightly smelled dynamite:

Growing up a child of a gay parent in a tiny town, a poor second-generation Italian girl, I also have experience with the nuances of language. And give me a break you stupid twats.
...
I am mad that I was asked to back out, just another way the small-scale mirrors the large-scale of “shut-your-mouth-you’re-scaring-me” tactics are infiltrating our f’d up sweet spunky youth. By the way, “ching chang chong” is what people in Germany call the game rock paper scissors, and stupid petty retards is what I’m calling you.

That'll totally get Bryn Mawr's sympathy. In any case, the notion that membership in Category X and/or experience of Y automatically immunizes anyone from the charge of offensive or insensitive behavior is not a recognized defense in this jurisdiction. Nor was the band named after any type of German Roshambo. We decline further review of the appellant's argument. Appellant continues:

Let our band be what it is: a gay and omni-sexual duo that writes song about life and it’s crusts and death, and most of all love and open-eyed Acceptance. You stupid petty retard girl school twats!

Ching Chong "commited to Bodhichitta by getting pissy and calling names" Song/Church of Lurch speaks for itself not only with keen tact and language-nuanced oratorical skills, but with the inevitable MySpace page. With songs! File under Instrument-Aided Hipster Masturbation, Self-Conscious Tunes for Coffeehouse Poetry Night Intermission, and Not Good Enough to Get a Free Pass on Willful Public Stupidity.

Rooty tooty fresh and fruity

For whatever reason, it's vaguely fashionable these days to name your yaoi/yuri imprint after a fruit. Witness Seven Seas' Strawberry line and the upcoming as-yet unofficially named but definitely ovarian yaoi imprint from Broccoli.

Can't wait to start my own yaoi/yuri imprint, which I intend to name Durian. Sure, some people will think it stinks and refuse to touch it. But that's before you force it open and take a taste of the total creaminess inside.

I hear Frylock is looking for someone to rent the spare room

Via Variety: after 13 years at the company, Cartoon Network executive Jim Samples resigns over Mooninite incident.

Coincidentally, or perhaps not, the front page of the Boston Globe's boston.com sent Samples gently into the good night like so:


Because they love, Samples. Because they... "love."

You like me! You really, really like me... in Akira

This via AnimeCons.com, since the American Anime Awards are averse to punctual site updates - the five finalists in each of the AAA's award categories have been announced. Sorry, Del Rey! Tsubasa and Negima didn't make the cut, no hard feelings about that whole leaving you off the ballot for a while thing.

And yes, Johnny Yong Bosch is still in the running for Best Actor in a Comedy. For Akira. Never was I prouder to know my vote was not in vain, although NA tragically failed to garner a top five finish in any of its two (in)eligible categories.

According to the release, the Babes of Anime presenters will be wearing fashion from ADV's fellow Texan, Chloe Dao, who'll present the award for Best Package Design. What other synergistic wonders hath appearance fees wrought? We can only wait and see.

Dao's Lot 8 boutique provided some of the clothes for last year's Babes of ADV photoshoot, which brings us to the question: what makes a Babe of ADV--er, Anime--a Babe, fit to join a group of "the most prominent voice actors in the business"? Does it take more than auditioning for the cover of a European gothic metal album?

Well, apparently it takes an anime dubbing resume you could tally on one hand - as long as two fingers are set aside for your roles as an extra and, uh, another extra. If you know any other anime voice-over credits to help the case of Most Prominent Fulks, let us know! Perhaps she's even the same Fulks who directed The Most Massive Woman Wins to encourage people "to examine themselves as a community and to raise questions about how body image shapes the way we view and value ourselves."

You're not supposed to take that "America's Finest News Source" thing seriously, you know

The Onion recently did a story called Area Man Needs Two More Trips To Best Buy To Beat Xbox 360 Game. Should I put "story" in quotes? Do I need to make it any more obvious?

Apparently yes.

Blogger Blake Snow (who wrote the Joystiq post) wants to make it clear that he knows The Onion is parody. Or does he? The "yes, the parody newswire" part feels rather tacked on. And who the hell calls the Onion a newswire? Newspaper, yes. Website, yes. But newswire? That's like, AP and Reuters, which are newswires that have their articles reposted verbatim on other news sites (which is what's supposed to happen, that's what a newswire does).

But wait, it all makes sense, because you see, Snow doesn't even bother writing an article for this one, he just paraphrases the article and puts in a large block quote in the middle. It wouldn't be so bad, except that well, the block quote is over half the article, and the paraphrasing is like a half-hearted re-write of the rest. You know, like those reports you had to write in third grade, and you would just pull the encyclopedia off the shelf and work from that. Or was that just me?

To top it all off, and boy, is it topped, is the comments, which are split between "you know the Onion is fake, right?" and "wow, this can't be real!" And then there are the "this can't be real, and here's why."

* How much as he spent on gas to go to Best Buy and back over the last 3 weeks? Probably enough to buy the game!!!

* 2 things that make this story fake...1) How many displays have you seen with access to the memory card slot?2) How many stores have you seen with a full version game on display that is M-Rated? It is against policy. Its like showing an R rated movie on the TVs in Blockbuster.

* Yeah, add me to the "fake" tally: M-rated game with disembowelments, decapitations, and the f-bomb on public display at Best Buy equals someone getting fired.

* this is by far the most pathetic attempt at saving money I have ever heard. If he is a situation where he has to reort to this he should not be into playing next gen games.

This proves... well, that these people don't bother actually reading the article, or the other comments, but most of all, I'm going to have to agree with baby sea tuna on this one:

* These comments prove that at least 70% of the people that read Joystiq should never, ever breed.

Say uncle. Say it. Say it!

So, as everyone now knows, Turner reluctantly took perfunctory responsibility for the Day of the Mooninite and agreed to cough up a smooth $2 million to make Menino and pals go away. Also, the Boston Globe still can't stand Berdovsky and Stevens and continues to valiantly pretend everyone shares their sentiment.

Today's news was that Berdovsky videotaped the police removing a Mooninite but didn't tell them it was harmless. Okay, whatever. But comes now before the court of public opinion the counsel-cum-art-curator for the defendant:

"That's what he does. He videotapes things. He's a videotape freelance artist."

Yeah? Then that makes him, the kid from American Beauty, and my uncle at Christmas. Me, I'm gonna be a videotape freelance artist right now; I think the neighbors across the street are making out.

Bring me back some of that freeze-dried ice cream I like

Cinderella III: A Twist in Time was just released. I know Disney loves those direct-to-video sequels, but I can't help but be a bit perturbed - for Cinderella's sake - that we're only on the second sequel and she's already fucking with the space-time continuum. Because once you've done that, there are really only two other places you can go next: space, or the hood.

Being righteous don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing

Boing Boing is one of those Internet car crashes: you shouldn't look, but yet you cannot look away. Sometimes you see something cool, sometimes you see something you shouldn't and end up sick to your stomach, where all the unicorn chasers in the world won't undo the damage.

The most egregious offender is Xeni Jardin, who has developed a cult of hate such that people are creating sites like XeniSucks. Which is a fun read, though not exactly a bastion of coherent writing.

Today's Xeni offense occurs in this post, on which you could say, "yeah, that Wal-Mart page is coded pretty badly," but then again, the page loads fine for me, and I'm using Opera, which is the gimpiest of the gimp browsers.

From the screenshot it appears that she's using Firefox on a Mac, and Macs can't access the movies anyway. But then again, even if Macs could watch the Wal-Mart downloads... she's a Mac user, a Firefox user, and as a BoingBoing contributor, probably a communist, so she wouldn't shop at Wal-Mart anyway.

And yes, I checked the Wal-Mart store in Firefox on a Windows machine, and it loads like crap, but hell, even I won't shop at Wal-Mart. So who really cares?