The Order #1

So here's the deal: California's LA-based Initiative team is composed of regular humans juiced up into superheroes with really boring names and powers. And a Greek pantheon-based sorting system that doesn't work at all, just like Ares once his royalty checks start rolling in. There's no genuine reason why arbitrarily designating team roles as Hera, Apollo, or Athena works any better than Strategist, Tank, or dozens of other words that are completely free to use (until Stark applies for trademark registration), but you'll have to sit through the official explanation whether you like it or not.

Anyway, this issue won't set the stars ablaze but there's enough here to show promise, especially if you're not wedded to the idea of four-color superheroes. (Speaking of color, the cast includes not one, but two physically handicapped minorities--c'mon, would it be so hard to let at least one of 'em keep a pair of functioning legs?) Our characters are adults who recognize, to varying degrees, that it's all basically a set-up. So do you join up to save the world? Or so you can use your new powers to skip traffic on the freeway? Sure, it's a little cynical, but hel-lo, LA.

Barry Kitson's art is solid, which also helps. Incidentally, I suppose it's too much to ask that action star/charity diva Magdalena turns out to have an international passel of adopted orphans or a Kabbalah bracelet, is it? No? Oh well.

The deal-clincher, though, is that everyone gets fired in the first issue. Okay, not everyone. But a bunch of people are unceremoniously handed the pink slip, and it is awesome. This is something the Marvel Universe could frankly use a lot more of, as its employment standards are pretty laughable:

X-MEN: So, A-List Villain, you've been killing people off and on--mostly on--for the past ten years or so without remorse or regret?
VILLAIN: Yup.
X-MEN: Even tried to kill us a number of times, I see.
VILLAIN: Uh-huh. In fact, I'm thinking about poking your eyes out right now.
X-MEN: Welcome to the team!

Also, there's a bear with a jetpack. I'm not one for bears with jetpacks, as a rule, but if you have to have bears with jetpacks, LA is as appropriate a place as any to send 'em. So--go bears!

Where is the good stuff?

Aoi House: because creativity would take effort. Published by Seven Seas and appearing in Newtype USA, this OEL manga "harem comedy that's truly like none other" features the truly, truly unique elements of:

* A harem, duh.
*A panty-stealing character hamster!
* Everyday protagonists who end up living in a cra-a-azy dorm full of people... of the opposite sex!
* A shy, dark-haired girl with glasses! A sassy, trouble-making redhead! Rich blonde girl! Plus, other characters you've seen a dozen times before!
* A theme song featuring 101-level Japanese lyrics!

My God! Can you stand the sheer novelty of it all? Sure, it's a collection of overused stock elements that justifies OEL manga's occasional bad rap as nothing more than cheap imitation. It even reads right-to-left. But on the other hand--well, there is no other hand. Still, the artwork by Shiei is competent, if very generic. Who knows, maybe even Aoi House was supposed to be unoriginal. You know. A very post-modern artistic statement. Or something. Besides, it's not the creators' fault they got published or that people are willing to buy this stuff.

And yeah, it's a manga set in America where all 7 main characters are pleasingly pale to the eye. If Wikipedia is to believed (as I haven't read the hard copy of the books), one character was supposed to be African-American, but there were toner problems. Never heard that one before, but OK. Sorry, African-Americans! It's not that they didn't want put a token representative in this manga. It's just that they couldn't, 'cause of the technical issues involved with your darkness and all. And there just wasn't time to hire a replacement here. Maybe you can appear in an upcoming volume once they can do that toner stuff. Or maybe not.

But hey, at least the gay character isn't a comedy prop portrayed as an effeminate freak unable to resist straight men due to his uncontrollable queer man-lust, right?

Right. Does he turn kindergarteners and Cub Scouts gay in his spare time, too?

In any case, lest you think author Adam Arnold was completely asleep at the right-side wheel, his notes make it clear that lots of effort did go into developing a quality product:

We've even taken steps to ensure that all the girls' bust sizes are as varied as possible. Nina's are the smallest, but she's quite macho. I'll let you try and figure out which girl has the largest.

Thanks, guy! But I'm afraid I'll pass. On all counts.

Anime: a beacon of nuanced multi-ethnic representation since, well, never

Hey fan-kids! Want to blog against racism? I know you do, because it's easier than trying to make a difference in the "real" world! And now pretense to action is cooler than ever with these handy dandy anime icons! Nothing creates concrete change like a "ninja against racism" icon, because you know how Naruto is about the fight against--against, well, ninja, mainly. Um. Maybe they're ninja who stand for racism (except for the good guy ninja, who stand only for being ninja) and also ninja.

Here at Power Level One Million, we're ready to join International Blog Against Racism Week and speak out against racism. For a week. On a blog. Which only a few of our friends read. Because that's how we'll turn back centuries of institutionalized inequality. See, there's even an icon.



Because like so many bloggers out there, we too can commit... to looking committed. As long as it can be accomplished entirely from the comfort of our computer wheely chair, anyway.

Hello Kitty: Mark of the Beast, Mark of Shame

Because tardiness and littering are adorable! But did Sanrio okay this?

It's also made for a man but strong enough for a woman

Just as video games increasingly attempt to emulate film, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. And here it is: a film that emulates a video game cutscene, but alas, not on purpose. Action sequences: good, of course. Everything else: well, just tune in at 4:25 into the trailer and thrill! To! Acting! If that doesn't make you feel like you are right there in the recording booth, nothing else will.

CATBLUE Dynamite! Making its stateside premiere at the New York Anime Festival this winter. Good luck.

We're all the same on the inside. And the outside, too.

Presenting the Life (ライフ) manga by Suenobu Keiko, featuring the most indistinguishable series of tankoubon covers ever.

Anime Punch, Bomb, Stab, Shoot

So maybe there aren't many anime convention mascots of color in America. But what does a convention mascot stand for, anyway? Anime Punch, the convention that proudly posits otaku as the self-important roaches in humanity's bleak future, has given mascots Ann (19) and Penny (11) a backstory:

Choosing the difficult path of dedicated martial artists they live outside the bounds of civilization, rejecting any comforts, and never backing down from a fight. They are forever white-belts; unable to advance in rank because they killed their master. On top of that, they must face the shame and indignity of not being able to avenge his death because they were the ones who defeated him.

The difficulty of the dedicated martial artists' path is clear; while both girls are "karate white-belts with a traditional karate uniform", Ann uses "a long Japanese sword, or dual pistols" while Penny's "weapons of choice are handfuls of knives or bombs". At first I thought their contradictory backstory was toked up after a few bouts of Street Fighter Turbo, but I can see it all now:

ANN: Tell me, master. Why are we still unable to progress beyond the beginner's white belt?
TIGER SCHULMANN: My young students, karate is more than a martial art. Thus, you will never advance in karate until you understand what karate is, and what it is not.
ANN: Like?
TIGER SCHULMANN: Like that time you unloaded two Glock 9mms full of Black Talons into your sparring opponent on Family Demonstration Day. The point of unarmed self-defense is not to wallow in deadly incendiaries and firearms--a simple point, perhaps too subtle, that seems to have escaped you. Didn't you ever watch The Karate Kid? And you, bomb freak--you're 11. What the hell is wrong with you? You're outside the bounds of civilization!
ANN: The Karate Kid isn't cool. I wanna be like The Matrix. Now that was cool. I watch it a lot. 'Cause it's cool. Yeah... I like The Matrix.
PENNY: Now, master, your fate is sealed, just as you have so cruelly and unjustly sealed ours. [throws bombs and knives] Ahahaha! Ahahaha!
TIGER SCHULMANN: [dead]
ANN: Still, Penny--I think we will keep these karate uniforms, to remind us of what has transpired this dark day.
PENNY: Yes. Also, because they were free with our introductory month of classes.

Weak.

Somehow it has escaped my attention until now that anime conventions--not many famous ones, but anime conventions nonetheless--are commissioning commemorative hand-forged katanas from BowenDragon1. Because nothing says "trust me with your money" like cheesy animated GIFs. Admittedly, katanas aren't nearly as cool as the Flashing Hair Blade, which totally sounds like an exotic concealed weapon for deadly lady assassins everywh--oh. Oh. It's not.

Moving on, as an extra bonus, a blindfolded e.e. cummings writes website copy for the Kumoricon Katana:

pick up will be at BowenDragon1 booth when dealers room is open ID is required. .Swords ordered before August 18, 2007 will be delieverd at show.. after cut off date swords will have to be shipped.. check walk in for delieverly at show.

In any case, should you find yourself paying for one of these things, you'll want to take proper care of it as soon as you get it home. This is best accomplished by quickly and forcefully impaling yourself upon its naked blade--thereby mitigating some, if not all, of the shame of being so pitiable as to have purchased a commemorative anime convention katana. Enjoy!

Dear X-Factor (or next of kin):

Please to be explaining what you are doing in World War Hulk/X-Men #3. You're not exactly the X-Men A-list. Or B-list. You are, with all due respect and affection, the Kathy Griffiths of the Marvel superhero world. Jamie wasn't even up to lifting a finger against Black Bolt in Silent War, and now you want to go a round against the guy that kicked Black Bolt's ass?

I've heard Monet has an IQ in the double, nay, triple digits. Could she not be bothered to explain in painstaking detail that you cannot stop the Hulk with witty banter and pop-culture references? No? OK, fine, whatever. I will merely submit for your consideration the Events So Far:

Beast: Oh my God, our species is nearly extinct! Even the death of a single mutant is a solemn event! ...so anyway, kids, let's all try and gangbang the biggest, baddest Hulk ever and see what happens.
New X-Men: [fighting Hulk] Yay! Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Pain. Ow.
Cyclops: OK, now the grown-ups try!
Xavier: Scott, even I think that's a dick move. Everyone, it's far too dangerous to fight the Hulk--
Cyclops: Shut up! I said, everybody fight the goddamn Hulk! Emma, help me make sure everybody fights the Hulk.
X-Men: [fighting Hulk] Ow. Ow. Ow. Ohdeargodjesusmyarms. Ow.
Kitty: This is so lame.

Think about it.

Yours sincerely, etc.

Dear Marvel:

When can I expect a Bob, Agent of HYDRA limited edition cold-cast porcelain statue? When?

I would be willing to settle for a high quality resin bust. But make it quick.

Yours with the deepest sincerity, etc.